| Current mood: |  crappy |
so i normally don't get too personal on this blog...
but i've got a lot of shit on my mind right now. so much so, that i've been trying to write this blog for a good week and a half. this may be a little disjointed, but bear with me cause i need to get all this out of my head.
- so i'm still looking for a new job. a couple of saturdays ago, i went to a cps job fair at navy pier and dropped off a grip of resumes. i haven't recieved any calls yet, but i'm still hoping for the best. i've also got a lot of legwork to still do. i'm on the grind, dunnson. well, maybe not. i'm working on getting my ass up in a better position. there's also rumors that i might be up for a possible fulltime position at my current employer. apparently, the guy who's taking over for my boss (her last day is the 24th) told my coworker that he wants me to apply for the position. i honestly don't know if i want to go for it though. i'm kind of tired of that office and all the bullshit that goes along with it. i dunno. we will see i guess. i've still got a lot of resume slanging to do. once i've done some more of that, i will have to weigh my options at that point.
- speaking of work, the after-school program ended for the year this week. one of my kids (who i suspect has a crush on me cause she's always coming close to me and rubbing her babytits against my arm/back/etc...) came up to me all sad and shit a week earlier cause it was her last day in the program and said "it's my last day Will, i'll miss you." well, actually she didn't quite say it as much as she mumbled it as she looked at the ground with her best :\ face. it was the sweetest shit, so i gave her a hug. i'm telling you, i'ma seriously miss those kids if i don't get hired at the school for next year. i've grown ridiculously attached to them. it'd be like losing 60 or so little brothers and sisters. eh, i'm not gonna keep talking about this because it seriously depresses me.
- i've come to the realization that i'm not great at anything. seriously. everything i've ever made an attempt at in my life has always yielded average results for the most part...with some results bordering on pathetic. i'm serious too. as a kid, there were two things i wanted to be when i grew up. an artist and a wrestler. so in high school, i joined the wrestling team. i was alright. nothing special though. my best year was my senior year where i placed fourth in my conference. yeah...fourth. i'm a fucking stud, huh? as for the art, i made it my major when i got to college. i went from sucking at graphic design to switching to media arts. and i'll be honest, i'm alright at that. i've learned a few different mediums and i've done alright with them. the only problem with that is that in college art classes, you end up taking classes with some extraordinarily talented people. i came to realize that i wasn't as good an artist as i once thought i was. i had to come to terms with the fact that not only am i not nearly as good as a lot of the people i had classes with, but at the same time, i had to learn that artists really don't make a lot of money. i can't tell you how depressing it is to not be good enough at the two things you spend your entire childhood dreaming to become.
honestly at this point, i have no idea what i want to do with my life. i don't really have a direction as far as career goals are concerned. i mean, i have the whole education thing going for me right now, but in my mind, while that is a goal of mine, it's not a career goal. i don't want to be a teacher for my life. i want to use that to afford to go back to school, finish my degree and then try to find some direction. it's just a lot of steps that need to be taken just so i can get to that "try to find some direction" point.
this seriously can't be life.
- so squeeg got himself a new job. apparently, it's a really good and much higher paying job too. i'm very happy for him because he's been looking for something like this for a while and it's great that he finally found it. the fucked up part of the whole thing is that the job is in new york. which means he's moving next month. as one would imagine, i have mixed feelings about this. on the one hand, i'm happy marcus is moving on careerwise and making moves for himself. but i really wish he didn't have to move to new york to do it.
adding to that, jsun is also considering moving to philly with his girl. he thinks philly is a shithole and doesn't really want to move there (and rightfully so), but he's trying to be a good fiancee and whatnot, so he's making it a possibility. and honestly, as much as i would hate it, i figure him moving is an eventuality that i'm gonna have to deal with at some point in the near future.
alls i know is that if both of my closest friends move, i'm gonna be sad as shit.
- on the plus side, as i was driving home two days ago, i saw a leg hanging out of a truck window. and it wasn't just any leg, it was hoochie leg. complete with one of those black patent leather stripper boots with the 18 inch platform heels. then she hung herself halfway out of the truck while she was dancing and shit. so at least that happened. it was something straight out of an 80s rock video. in my head, she was dancing to 'pour some sugar on me'. word to the one-armed drummer.
there's more i need to get off of my mind, but i don't feel like saying any more.
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