|Current mood:|| pissed off|
|Current music:||Robin Youngsmith - The Flower Duet from Lakme|
That's all I can say. Pathetic. That's how I feel. Well, not mostly. Mostly I feel angry, pissed, hurt, confused, wonderous, curious and stubborn in a way that I think I'm just going to have to live with. I have up to this point been either the friend or the woman. Never the girl. Don't get me wrong, I like being friends with guys much better than girls. And I like sex, when its with someone whom I have mutual attraction with and who understands what I want from that relationships. Which is usually just to have fun with each other. Literally and figuratively. I've gone from being told that "I don't think of you as a girl." to (post-sex, mind you) "You're an amazing strong woman. Give me another one." Ok, that last bit was out of spite on my part. But never...ever can I recall being the girl that a guy felt like he wanted to protect. Granted I can take care of myself...but still. I've never known what it feels like to truly ...love someone. And I told my friend this, that I made a pact with myself. I won't have sex anymore until I'm in love with that person. He laughed and said "You won't continue that...at least not once you and I do it." I have a feeling he was just trying to lighten the mood...but it hurt nonetheless. I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place right now....