| Current mood: |  calm |
{Names may or may not have been changed.}
Yesterday was a really bad day for me. I was really depressed and when I was talking to Sam on msn I started crying. I think I'm trying to figure where I fit in in the circle of life?. And it sucks because I'm 40. Shouldn't I be somebody successful by now. But then again I also know that you reap what you sow. I reap things slowly. I'm having a hard time being patient because I am exactly where I'm suppose to be at this time in my life.
So this morning I decided to focus on what I can get accomplished on this day. Learn something new, create something.
I started my morning with both Mr. MoJo Moody and Von Biatch on either side of me which was nice. Got up made a tea.
Turned on the TV. Then the laptop. Started listening to essential spanish. Reset sympatico email account properties.
Looked over the sheet about the focus groups being provided through Social Service.
Filled out card and actually put it in an envelop and stamped it and took it to the mailbox just a couple minutes too late for todays pickup. Asked mother earier to drop off the Zip.ca movies either at the mailbox or the postoffice.
Called Miss McCay to tell her that I will attend the next focus group that they are providing.
Watched part of Ellen, Talked to Kathy on the phone for a few minutes. Braided my hair. Washed my face and brushed and cleaned my teeth. Put on a bit of blush and shadow. Had a couple of Graham crackers with my tea. Eat something at all before 4 in the afternoon? unusual.
Called and invited Ruth and Sunny out for steak, with sauteed onion green and orange peppers rolled up in a soft tortilla wrap and held together with toothpicks I'm starting to think I should have taken the cooking course at Georgian? lol Cooked the overnite marinated steak on the George Forman lean mean grilling machine. Excellent thinking there George. If only I had thought of that design first. Hey lets make a none stick closed grill and put it on an angle? Makes perfect sense to me.
Had my Tarot cards out earlier today and the King of Cups fell upside right while I was trying to arrange them so they were all even and fit in my hand properly to shuffle. I hardly ever have had them out or really used them more than three times at most, but they've been practically by my side four about 6 months possibly. Had them out of the box one day when Beach was one day and she told me that I'm the only person that should handle the cards. So while Sunny used MSN messenger, and I sauted the veggies, Ruth read some of what the King of Cups card meant out of the tarot card book... The meaning of the King Of Cups I'll have to fill in later? freaky is all I know? or should I say it's synchrodestiny.
I drank a couple of glasses of water today which is another thing I've been thinking about. I was thinking that I might be able to substitute smoking for drinking water? Makes sense to me. I'm getting a good start on changing some of my behavior patterns because I really get down on myself sometimes. I want it all to make sense ? but it doesn't yet. So now I'm drinking water and thinking about valerian to slow down the mind a bit.. I tend to spin and spin and spin sometimes. I swear sometimes I drive myfriends half crazy with fears about my sanity.
Anyways, started to clean those damned bathroom blinds again?. Procrastination, kinda like masterbation because in the end your really just fu*king yourself?.. Cant get those finished.. It's like the biggest job I've ever had to do or something?.geez! Thats what I think about that.
Well I did do a lot of things today that I haven't really been doing.
I have to remember to make notes throughout the day because I can't remember everything I accomplished like in a time line really without a large amout of thought? and I don't know if I'm up to anymore thinking this evening.. It is now10:42.
I'm, having a piece of cheesecake with chocolate syrup drizzled over it? just because I can. Thinking that I'd like to put a little muscle together so I need to eat some real food or else I won't be able to do it. I Only weight 103 right now at 5' 4 1/2". Not really good. A little too small. But I'm fiesty. Just like my mother and her mother before that?lol Long story!
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