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sadmonkey (whosthemonkey) wrote,
@ 2003-12-10 20:38:00
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    Current mood:pensive
    Current music:american analogue set

    self improvement
    despite what my ex claims, i needto be a better person. in what ways? i'm not sure. just be more sociable i guess.

    i blame the gifted program for my social awkwardness. i went to a grade school by (short) bus, and was a 15 minute drive from my nearest friends. given that i was in grade school, i could not drive myself, and thus my social interactions relied upon parents (mine or theirs) to transport us for social interaction.

    i spent most of my time watching tvs, and once the vcr era dawned upon my parents - watching movies.

    everything i know about social interaction, which isn't much, i learned from movies. there is no such thing in my life as a simple relationship. its always true love. thats how it is in the movies, and so thats how it is with me.

    pretty pathetic.

    anyway, self improvement.

    first thing, i have to stop smoking pot. as much as i like it, and as much as it helps me deal, its gotta go.

    second, lose weight. over the past three or four months, without trying, i've dropped one, if not two pant sizes. i sometimes wonder if its a tape worm, but then i realize its just that i don't eat as much. i used to be able to do 4 helpings of thanksgiving dinner, now its one, with maybe a second go at the stuffing. i don't know that i need to lose weight, but it would probably make me feel better about myself. course, i'm the only one who thinks i'm fat. god, when did i become a high school girl?

    third, well, it should be quitting smoking in general, but i think it will be drinking more. that'll help me to socialize, even if its just as a drunken ass. i had some good times with my ex when we were drunk, either both of us or just one of us soused.

    i'm think for christmas, i'll do a twelve days of christmas thing, where instead of a partridge in a pear tree, its a beer of some sort, and the five gold rings could five shots of goldschlagger, or whatever. so when dec 31 (the twelfth (sp?) day of christmas) rolls around, i'll have to do a mountain of drinking.

    but maybe not. i don't know.

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