Claire and I fell out again today, it seems to be happening so much more frequently. Its so hard. She had trouble after dinner again, and I got cross at her. I know I shouldn't have done but I've been trying so so hard. And it hurts to see her so unhappy. I don't know what I can do to help.
I try not to hurt her but all I want to do is yell and scream and make her be better. Not that yelling and screaming would acheive that.
I haven't cut in nearly ten weeks, and haven't purged in nearly seven, so I guess its just starting to show.
I don't know what to do next month, let alone for the next whole year. Being at home for another year would surely kill me, but I don't think I can go away yet. I really don't feel ready. I have no idea what's supposed to happen.
I want to stay with Claire, be there for her, but I also feel that these arguments are telling us something, maybe we're spending too much time together. Am I not helping anymore?
I feel like the easiest option would just be not to be here at all anymore.
Why is it so hard?
Why does it have to hurt so much?
Someone tell me what to do.
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