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Brooke (wet_burritos) wrote,
@ 2004-11-13 21:24:00
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    Current mood: pessimistic
    Current music:Jimmy Eat World - Pain

    A Long Time... again...
    Im freakin pessimistic because nothing will ever get better... I've waiting 2 fucking years, if something good was going to happen, WHERE THE HELL IS IT! I hate me, I hate everyone I've become in the past 2 years, Im terrible, Im horrible, Im the worst. Im on drugs, Im stupid, I'll never be how I used to be, Im not even a good person anymore. I've sat back and watched every friend of mine evolve from there 2nd grade haircuts and 6th grade acne, I've still got both, I've still got the pain, the hurt, the above all sadness. I wish sometimes that I would be strong enough to push the razorblade harder, I can't even do it because I can't get passed the crying stage. I don't want to do this anymore, I don't want to have to put up with any of it, It's not fair that some people put themselves in these situations, why did I have to put myself here - I bring it all on myself and blame it all on HIM, I hate him so much, but I know that if I could I'd lay next to him and tell him that even years later, I still love him more than I ever have my whole life. Everyone thinks they've got me figured out, that they know everything there is ot know about me, Im the hyper little happy pothead... man, If I was I wouldn't be typing and bawling my eyes out and pouring my heart on on a computer screen for the world to read, nobody even cares, no one wants to know, there just bored...
    I hate living in Michigan City, all my friend graduated last year or are going to graduate this year, my best friend, Tiffany, can't even get her boyfriend to let her hang out with me, he gets mad when she hangs out with me. I love her so much and I care so much, she's been my best friend for 5 years and a guy she met less than a year ago stole her away from me, yes, im jealous, Im jealous that I could never my whole life find someone who cared that much for me, and the person who I care that much for already has replaced me with a guy. It hurts, I hate being me. So many people say they hate there lifes, but they aren't me, so I don't care, I know that I hate who I am.
    My friends just keep getting happier and I just keep getting stepped on, the last guy I was in a "relationship" with, I didn't even want to be, he was just as terrible as me, maybe happier, but he was just like me. I've got my pretty friends who have no problem with getting a guy, or whatever they want, they are happy, I've got my normal friends who've got these awesome personalities, they've got guys who loves who they are, they are happy... then theres me, the one in the middle, the odd one.... I love Brian, he's one of my best friends, but dammit Brian, you dojn't understand, I don't want to be with you like this anymore, we are friends, and thats all I can ever be with you ever again... my tears are clogging the keyboard....



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