|Current music:||The Art of Losing-American HiFi|
Sigh well today was pretty bad. The good thing is that we have 53 tickets for the Benefit Dinner so now we don't have to cancel. I'm hoping we'll get between 80 and 100 people on Wed. night for this dinner because it's basically one of my last big projects and I really want it to be successful. Sigh. Well anyway yeah today I cried in the hallway after Physics and I really did not mean to. I thought i was going to tear in class but I did not and when I got out I just burst. It's such a ridiculous thing I'm crying over and I felt so stupid and did not want to tell anyone about it. Sigh me being dumb. But yeah yesterday we took a practice test in bio and i DID HORRIBLE. Then today I was marking the right answers on my test and realized that the machine did not pick up two of my answers and marked it wrong and then that I had misgrided 5 of my answers that were right. Sigh so I could have definately gotten a lil bit higher or something or at least not feel as crappy as I do now. Sigh why can't I be a good test taker? Why can't I be smart and witty or at least somewhat bright. Maybe Darton is right about going to college....maybe my parents shouldn't be sending me to the ones I really want to go cuz its not really worth making 40 grand for someone that isn't that bright and won't be able to soar high. I should just go to a reg. college I guess...I could go to Drew but wait thats the most expensive one I applied to. Theres always Stevens, Northeastern (well not sure if I got accepted), and Bucknell (not sure here either but it feels better than Northeastern's decision). Sigh....colleges. In one week I will know my fate. Am I meant to go where I want to or am I just going to have to adjust. It's so nerve wrecking. All early decision kids have to feel lucky. Sigh I should have applied for early decision. AHHH everything seems to be slipping lately. grades, band, key club....only thing that is going good is my relationship with Ryan. I love him so much and I'm so happy that he can love me in return. Things are really good right now and I hope they stay that way. I mean we get into our moods but who doesn't??? We took a nap together last night...it was really peaceful. I fell asleep ontop of his knee and then woke up and then took a nice nap next to him not on his knee. Okay I wanna cheer up and my sis and brother wanna go get ice cream so we're heading to Coldstone.
p.s. I just got a call from Drew's tennis coach. Tennis coaches are so nice. The stevens one sent me a postcard from North Carolina. It was very sweet. Anyway I'm off now.