 |
|||||||||||||
 |
|
 |
|||||||||||
 |
 |
||||||||||||
One phenomenon that I have not discussed here is facebook. Facebook is my more popular, party type lover. So it should come as no surprise to you that I have hidden her identity. I know how you can be about these things. But I have to come clean. You have always been my personal and much more intimate partner. We have laughed, we have cried. Mainly, we have bitched about anything and everything under the sun and so far we have not gotten in too much trouble for it. This is my 85th post here, dating back to September 8, 2003. This means that you have somehow become one of the longest projects I have ever been involved in. The only longer project isn't a project at all; Beth and I have been together since November 28, 2002... Thanksgiving to be precise. So, technically, you're the longest project. Anyway. About that facebook thing. Friends from all over the place (actually, a lot of people are your friend on facebook when in fact they are not really your friend at all) keep in touch and make terribly vulgar humor a part of every day college life. I even have a cousin who grew up in Elwood City across the state line and now lives outside of D.C. that I shoot the shit with from time to time. I spend a lot of time on this facebook, but fear not... you are my baby mama. At 3:51 A.M. I have just referred to my blog as my 'baby mama.' Insomnia will do that to some folks. That's enough about facebook. What we really need to talk about is that this is the 85th all-time post here. I feel like that's quite an accomplishment. I wonder if somehow I can time it up properly and have my 100th post on my 21st birthday which is in 102 days. That is about a post a week, which has been close to my pace lately. Excellent. How has the number 85 been important to me? As I typed that, I really was asking myself. I hadn't given it any prior thought, so that makes this slightly more interesting. At least if you're as bored out of your mind as I am. Well, I was born in 1985 which is certainly a start. I was also about a month premature, and I am just now figuring why. Had I arrived in June, I would have to wait that much longer in order to turn 21. See, I had the foresight even as a young fetus to try and hurry the process along. Literally, I bought myself about three weeks and I intend to use those as bonus. I may, in fact, stay drunk from the time I turn 21 to my regular due date of June 3rd. I couldn't think of a more fitting approach. The number 85 was also the number of the first decent player in the faux Browns history, Kevin Johnson. Johnson eclipsed the 1,000 yard receiving plateau in 2001, the first faux Brown to accomplish that feat. Widely, he was known more for his great hands than his speed or size. Dependable, but no all-star. Come to think of it, the number 85 kind of sucks. I mean that's about all I can come up with right now. And Kevin Johnson isn't really cutting it. He turned into a bona fide piece o' crap after Butch Davis rear ended him out of town. With that spirit, I'll have to play games with the truth a little bit here. If you add up LeBron James's jersey number (23) with Mark Price's jersey number (25), plus the traditional Watts family number (27), you get 85. Really, this has no significance at all. But at 4 o'clock in the morning we'll have to make do. LeBron James and Mark Price are my two favorite Cleveland Cavaliers players of all-time. Generally speaking, the Watts family is a diehard supporter of the Cavs. So in a theoretical sense I'm onto something here. ////Editor's note: Actually, those numbers equal 75, which makes this even less interesting. In which case, we'll add the number 10. I don't know why.//// The Pittsburgh Steelers are going to the Superbowl, and that is all I intend to say about that. They can really suck a big fat cock. Really. I hope they lose, but they won't. Why? Because divine powers hate Cleveland, that's why. Next. Oh, I got one. Eight-five percent is considered the minimum for scoring a B for a grade in secondary education. While it's just terrible to imagine an 84% being worthy of a C, the rules are indeed the rules. In college, on the other hand, an 84% is widely considered a significant B, with at least four points to spare. Odd. For our little celebration, I had intended on creating a catchy little slogan for you. A catchphrase, really. I was going for something with a little shock value, a little humor, but a little intelligent as well. Because, from my own humble perspective, that is indeed what this journal is abouts. Originally, I felt like "More hits than John Gotti" was the real deal. I mean, that's got a little something for everybody. To take a bland thing (sorry) like an internet blog, and give it a little more oomph (you're welcome), that can totally make the difference. Then, I began saying: "Hey, why should we stop there?" The natural progression became, "More hits than Willie Nelson's waterbong." I really love that one... the problem is, it's TOO good. It sounds more like a great TV show than a blog. And I love marijuana references. Reefer-ences, if you will. The "More hits than John Gotti" thing really is the better candidate. But there's one more question that remains to be answered. Should we use a fictional mobster reference, or a legitimate and bona fide mobster period. That's a rhetorical question, so I refuse to put a question mark. I feel like the Gotti reference does more for the blog, but I don't want to offend John Gotti. I understand that's not something you want to do. But Michael Corleone, Don Vito Corleone, or Tony Soprano do not give it as much of an edge as John Gotti does. Even Al Capone wouldn't work as well here. The Al Capone reference would seem arrogant, and immediately untrue on its face. Certainly we don't get many hits at all (it's not you, it's me) so saying we get more hits than Al Capone would just be fucking lame. That settles it, from now on, "More hits than John Gotti" is our tagline. And that's something that facebook and I just don't have. Tune in next time when we discuss more endless bullshit, and delve into the number 86. Reggie Langhorne, beware. Post a comment in response: |
| © 2002-2008. Blurty Journal. All rights reserved. |