|Current mood:|| indifferent|
|Current music:||Vertical Horizion|
more of this..
I was feeling pretty blue this morning, I called my mom in third period and told her that we need to talk... So she came and got me, I poured my heart out, and told her everything, how I hate this place, how I have no one here, and SOME things about David.
Dad just called.. he must have some radio transmitter thing to tell him when something is wrong..Mom is getting ready for work, she will be gone until 6 tonight..so now that Dad knows, we will have a talk to night. I wanted to call it this morning, but didnt have the guts to do it. Dad just said that he'd talk to me, but I cry everytime we talk, Shit, I do that when I talk to anyone. Its just me. And I cry. I got to stay strong tho. And I hope to GOD that he doesnt get emotional on me. I know that hes a human too, but he was always the strongest on in my life...and if he falls, it seems that everything else is..
Mom said that she didnt know what to do. She told me that Maybe if I start looking at things in a better light, and look for hte better in them, it might help.. She was sort of mad, because today is her 1st offical day at work, where she gets out on the floor, and has to wonder if I am going to be at home all bummed out, and hurting myself.
I havent hurt my self now since the talk with my mom and dad about cutting... I fight it really I do. But I know that would lead me into a straigh downfall.. and I dont want that. I have got to be strong. I have to get thru these stupid Teenage years. I dont want to be weak anymore.
I want to be able to go out with friends on a Friday night and take my truck, I want to get my license. And I will.. I will accomplish all of that. I am just going to have to work harder, and look up more.. Show my happy face once in a while. Something like that...
So now that I am on my mission, I think I am going to go play guitar.