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Lost, of the Depraved Tribe (warmonger) wrote,
@ 2003-02-05 13:03:00
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    Current mood:This is stupid.
    Current music:So is this.

    Yesterday, I clicked on "Don't auto-format" but it turned my post into one huge, ugly blob anyway. I use actual paragraphs, but not according to Stupid. They probably don't know what they're talking about and have switched meanings around. Today I won't click "Don't auto-format" and we'll see what happens.

    I don't condone swearing. Swearwords are the vocabulary of the intellectually lacking. That's what I've always believed. Well, when I'm pissed, I am intellectually lacking. It also just feels dirty. Like I'm lowering myself to someone else's standards.

    I'm going to expand a bit on yesterday's post.

    Allen: What's sad is that when I visit his house, I hang out with his little brother's just as much as or more than I hang out with him. Really, I do like those guys, but when a college student is hanging out with a seventh grader, it's just pitiful.

    Heather and Amber: I'm not just worried about me and Amber, I'm pissed as well. One would think that if the only connection you had with a friend was the phone that you'd call them every once in a while. At least. But no, she's too absorbed with her piss-ant asshole boyfriend. I've revealed to her that he's a lier, I've revealed to her that he's a thief, and she should know by now that he's a coward, yet she still dates the punk. Really, it's just because of a self-confidence-lacking issue she has because of her being overweight, but that's not an excuse to date an asshole.

    And Heather, what the fuck. I'm just tired of all the shit. From both of them.

    I hate how stupid I've become.

    Somehow my intellgence has regressed over the years. I don't do drugs, I don't drink, I don't even smoke. What's wrong with me? My friends and I joke that's all the headbanging I do, but I don't know.

    There was time when I quick, I was fast. If I was talking to someone about something I knew about, even while I was talking and all this thought was going through my mind(don't know about you, but I actually think about the subject during a conversation. Saves me from saying something stupid) I would be running all the exposition I had on the subject at the same time and nothing would get by me. These days, I'm not in any deep thought about the subject, there's exposition, but it's disconnected from the fore of my concious thought and thus useless, and there are times when I say something completely wrong only to realize it moments later.

    It's not just conversation either. I'm not thinking things through before I do them, even though I believe I am. I've done so much stupid crap because my focus is so narrow these days. I want lateral thinking, but I've got none. I'm not even sure if it's actually called 'lateral thinking' in the first place. It could be that what I'm actually doing is lateral thinking and the good way of thinking is called something else.

    Fuck. My comprehension is slipping too. I'm probably devolving(not that I believe in evolution) without the benefits of it being my offspring who go down a level, it's all just me. Survivor of the fittest(smartest) I ain't.

    It all just sucks.

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