|Current mood:|| creative|
|Current music:||I love the 90's: 1990|
I took two sleeping pills last night so I could just fall asleep, I didn't want to lay there and just stare into the abyss and wait until my eye lids were heavy. I turned on the mix and listened to some old music they play at night and just stared up at my sign until like ten minutes later I drifted off into sleep. I had the weridest dream last night...I was on an airplane with Kevin, my mom, dad and a bunch of other people I didn't know. It wasn't a typical cabin though. It was set kind of like a movie theatre, with like six rows on each side that were shaped like ^ <~~~ that in a werid upside down V formation. Well I was laying in my seat which reclinded when I leaned too far over and fell backwards out of my chair. Mr. Emme appeared and told me that I had a like sort of lightbulb and a bottle opener stuck to my shirt. I pulled them off and I don't know what happened to the bottle opener, but I was playing with a light bulb. I was tapping the top of the oval-shaped, tapered bulb; when it exploded and this goo-ey liquid came out. Then I was in my room with a small little bunny. I opened the cage and let them out.. they hopped out of my room there was a big one, like Moo, a medium to small one and a really tiny one. well Emily the cat was sitting in the hallway and I had gone to see where the bunnys went and she had scratched them to death. She doesn't have claws, we had her and bugs declawed. Then out of nowhere Tracy comes and says SHE WAS COUNTING ON YOU!! I ASKED YOU TO BABYSIT AND YOU LET US DOWN. THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO GROW UP AND BE TAKEN CARE OF IN THE FUTURE> BUT THANKS TO YOU THEY ARE NOW DEAD! I'm assuming there was a little girl in the room but I don't remember really. It was werid. So then I'm back on said airplane that looks like a theatre. My mom makes me wear this outfit it was like a big pink T-shirt with green suspenders that had some writing on it. It was werid like she's telling me that it will make 'so and so' feel better because I killed her rabbits. I go in the bathroom and change it takes me forever. Then we're in a parking lot and I'm prancing around wearing this stupid outfit thats like eight sizes too big and I feel like a total idiot. I remember having to change again but I don't remember what to. I think I woke up. This was a really werid dream for a bunch of reasons... one) Kevin was in it.. and we broke up two) I hate my cousin Tracy and airplanes three) I dont' drink and or play with liquid light bulbs and four) I would never wear suspenders or giant clothes. I just don't get it....
So I woke up this morning after my werid ass dream at about 7:10 ish. I go into the computer room and sign on, nobody was on as usual. not that anyone I would talk to would be on at seven am, or ever for that matter. I really hate that Kevin and I can't talk without like bringing up our relationship (or lack there of) I'm really upset about everything we've been through and I really don't want him just ripped from my life. I feel like this huge rock that has been there for years who saved me when I needed it and dried my tears just disappeared and I feel a bit lonely. Mostly though I feel empowered to be a new person and to meet new people. I'm hoping I'll meet a nice guy sophmore year. My mom is telling me to date one of Jessica's friends. I can't say I totally disagree but that would be werid for her and her friends and I don't want to invade her personal space. So I realized nobody would be on and I signed off. I went back into my room after checking everyones Livejournals and xangas... It was like seven thirty ish and there was nothing on tv. I just laid there and fell asleep because I had nothing else to do. Lindsay comes in my room at like ten to eleven saying that someone was out there to see me. I get up... looking like hell and incredibly refreshed.. complete with a horrible morning taste in my mouth to see lil tauch in the hallway. I'm like HI how're you? I hadn't seen her since the fourth because of me and Kevin so it was nice to see her. She said she was in the neighborhood picking up her bike from Carly's after the midnight mile(s) in chicago a few nights ago. She said she just felt like stopping by to see 'kimmy' I love that she just drops in and says hi... it makes me feel like I have friends who care about me. Its not that I don't have friends its just that I feel I only have like two friends I can count on... Kevin and Sara, but Laurens kind of taken Kevins spot. She's always good for girl talk and gossip, especially in the middle of class when all you're doing is starring off into space. ::SIGH:: I wish there was a way for me and Kevin to be friends without all the drama and the tension surrounding our current relationship. I want us to be friends... not friends with benefits or anything relationshippy just a friendship.. a purely platonic friendship. Its just hard sometimes to see our history and keep it platonic. I think I'm going to have to ease back into it all again. . . I guess it all just takes time. I figured out the worst part of living each day is waiting for whats coming tomorrow. I guess I'll just have to figure out whats to come when it comes.
I think today I'm going to work on summer reading and try to express some of my creativity. I feel really compelled to write but I have severe writers block. I really want to write a song and write a guitar part for it but I'm just not that skilled. Jay turned me over to a great guitar site: www.wholenote.com Its great. It has lessons and chord practices and stuff and its all got audio examples so you know if you're doing it right. Its pretty sweet. Maybe later I'll mess around with that a little. I think I'm going to go take a shower.. I'll write more later... cya