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Nippleus Erectous (viciousnipple) wrote,
@ 2004-03-14 17:19:00
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    Current mood: cynical
    Current music:Dry Kill Logic- Rot

    ...Bang Bang Bang...
    Well I was looking through some old shit I have saved on my computer... And came across this wonderful story... Laura is the greatest :)

    ~See jesus was not the son of god. It's actually a funny story that goes something like this. Jesus was born in Mexico by a Hispanic woman name Maria and her husband Jose. One day they decided to steal a lot of marijuana and take a boat to Israel to prevent getting in trouble.
    They got there and they changed their names to Mary and Joseph and they pronounced Jesus (hay-zoos) as Jesus (Gee-sus) it was a dark night and they decided to stop at a barn and sleep in. Well they knew they couldn't just go to the hotel and sleep, it would look too suspicious considering they were wearing very expensive jewels and fur so they hid they're jewels and fur in a near by barn.
    Maria... I mean Mary took a bag of the weed placed it under her dress and came off as looking pregnant. They left baby Jesus in the barn and went to the town to go to the hotel. Mary went up to an innkeeper and made up a story how she was blessed by god and is pregnant without feeling a man's touch. The innkeeper was no fool and said "HA yeah right, never felt a man's touch, with legs like that. PLEASE no thanks miss" and turned Mary away. Mary left the hotel and went back to the barn to tell her husband Jose...I mean Joseph that they were not welcomed in the town.
    All of a sudden Joseph pointed a house right next to the barn "Stupid pot heads" he chuckled as the went to the barn house. The man there was a cheap old bastard who didn't want people at his house but felt bad that she was pregnant so put her in the barn. How nice. That night baby jesus started to cry so they took the weed hid it under the hay and as the barn man came running out they told him that the son of god was born.
    As time went on Jesus became a drug lord just like his parents. Hence the title "LORD" Jesus Christ. He had 12 close friends who he called the god squad, but in public called them apostles. They all went around high as kites spreading the word that Jesus was the son of god. They paid some homeless people to pretend to be crippled and blind so that people could actually think he was powerful.
    One night him and the buddies were drinking and eating when jesus, being the drunkest of them all, stood up and said "Dude you guys are like eating my body and drinking my blood!" they all laughed and decided to tell people that they received gods power through drinking and eating jesus.
    The gullible citizens were amazed at this until one day jesus ran out of pot. Being in Israel, it was hard to grow pot. So the citizens decided to crucify him. A few weeks later one of the apostles found a hidden stash of pot in the field were jesus had been posted. He brought it to the village people and had them all smoke it up at once, in memory of Jesus. They soon saw Jesus rising from the ground. And that is where the story of jesus christ came from. You see kids things aren’t' always what they seem…~

    I think you've done enough reading.



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