| Current mood: |  tired |
| Current music: | |
Scary
The last dream I remember was such: I was living with Steve and we got into a big fight. I knew I was dying but I was stubborn and upset and continued to fight with him. I can't really remember what we were fighting about, but I do know that it was somethign stupid. Anyway, we were screaming at each other and I was crying. He was pointing his finger at me and was about to say something very mean but just then my nose started to bleed, a lot. I covered it with a paper towel and said I was fine. He seemed concerned but still angry. I could tell he was debating on wether or not he was going to finish his comment but before he got a chance I walked past him to go throw out the paper towel and I passed out. My mind went black and when I woke up I was in a catscanning machine. I was bound at the feet and hands and I started screaming immediately. I didn't know where I was or how I got there. My first thought was that I was buried alive (it's one of my biggest fears) and I
started having a panic attack.
The doctors slowly slid the tray I was laying on out and Steve came running over to me and untied me. Tears covered his face and it hurt to see him like that but I started screaming at him. Asking him how he could do that to me and that he knows I'm claustrophobic and why he would go behind my back and call the doctors on me when he knows how I feel about them.
He just stared at me but his eyes were filled with love and sadness. He leaned over and hugged me and told me that the doctors found an inoperable tumor in my brain. I grew furious. I was so pissed at him for bringing me here and for telling me something I was trying to deny. I already knew I had a tumor even though no one had told me, I just knew. I didn't want to know what was wrong with me because I didnt want to let medicine or doctors visits or even chemo take over my life. I felt like Steve had betrayed me and I couldn't even look at him, I was so angry at him. He kept trying to hug me and I just kept pushing him away. And then I woke up.
I've been having dreams of this manner lately. Needless to say they aren't fun...
(Read comments)
|
