| Current mood: |  calm |
Eh
I'm doing alright. Been training more and more lately. Things are just quiet right now. There is nothing really extreme going on and no one is in turmoil or deadly crisis. This is good. I like this,.. I wish it would stay like this for a long time. For once I'm actually getting a break from the mental anxiety that everyone seemed to have put me through for the longest time.
But anyway, I've been doing a lot of thinking while I was training. Mostly about Miu. I know I was mean to her but I feel like I have to be. When she isn't around me I actually feel better. I guess I still have strong feelings for her that, of course, she will never hear. Sad really. I think I'm starting to get "okay" with the fact that she is with someone else. As long as I don't have to see her or hear about her and her.. .. mate, then I think I will be able to get over this a lot quicker.
She just meant so much to me. She was the first female after Bulma left me that was there for me. I still see her as mine even though she is not. Afterall I did claim her and even if she rids herself of the mark I still remember it being there, what it look like, where we were and what we were doing when it happened. You just don't forget things like that,... ... well I don't anyway. I am sure she has probably forgotten all about it by now.
Maybe because of the calm I have been able to accept more about this situation. I just hope she doesn't come find me and mess it up. I don't know if I will ever be able to look at her anymore without flying off the handle. Well, ... I'm not sure. I just need more time.
As for Anna, she is still there waiting for me. I don't know why she does sometimes. I haven't been the best person in the world to her and I know she can do so much better than me. It's almost sad that I think that about myself but what can I say? I know that I only focus on me. It's always been about "me". I do care about her but when it comes to myself I know that I hold myself higher than her. I try not to think that way but I can't help it.
I do go visit her, wait for her mostly. She never seems to be around when I show up and I hope she doesn't think that I have once again run away from her. Tomorrow is Takai's birthday. He'll be 5 months old. I can't believe that either. Everything is just moving on without me so it seems. I just hope they don't forget me...
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