| Current mood: |  tired |
Fight
Last night I can't believe what happened. I had a scheduled fight with a new opponent. She was pretty good. It was tough actually. Towards the end I got so angry at my progress that I used my strength to change into ssj4. Bad mistake. I drained half of my energy and didn't get anything done. I remember staring at her as she prepared to "finish me". It was different but for once instead of thinking about dying with honor the only thing I wanted to do was power down and run away.
I remembered what Kakarott told me, about making my own decisions now. I remember staring at her and the only thing I could think about what that I couldn't die because if I did it would be 100 years before I would get to see Takai again. I wouldn't get to be with Anna. I couldn't allow myself to perish like that so I ran away.
I didn't even get that far before I hit the ground and just lay there. I couldn't go anywhere because my energy was too depleted so I ended up spending the night on the ground. It really wasn't that bad. What made it bad was the crushing blow I had to take to my pride because I ran away. I just.. I didn't have any other choice at the time. If I had stayed and fought I would have ended up killing myself.
Right now I don't want to talk about it. I didn't even want to go see Anna but I promised her so I showed up. I am so mad at myself. I just ... I don't know.
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