| Current mood: |  exhausted |
exhausted
I've been staying at CC for the past few days. I can not sleep at home. It really has nothing to do with Anna (of course it never does) but I just fear that I will mess up again. Lately I've been so prone to making mistakes that I don't want to be around her and hurt her again. I also found that I can't sleep there either. I tried but it just doesn't work. I keep having nightmares or I just toss and turn and can't fall asleep.
I think my nerves are just shattered from everything that has happened and it's very hard to fix. The thing I hate is that I usually can handle everything that is thrown at me but this time I'm having a hard time doing it. I haven't trained in weeks because of it. I can't. I know if I start I wouldn't stop for days and I'm too exhausted to try. Which also doesn't help me mentally since I'm starting to realize my age. Ugh, this is so ridiculous!
I can talk myself up and I can talk myself out of things but everytime I regain my confidence I get slammed back down into the ground. It's crippling me, it really is. And I hate it. I hate it so much...
(Read comments)
|
