| Current mood: |  restless |
happy?
I gave Kakarott my ultimatum last night. I was scared I would have to actually kill myself because of his defiance but he showed up and low and behold Takai came back to us..
So why am I unhappy? I think it's because I had to do it that way in order to get what I want. I don't know. I'm not suicidal but the thought is still hovering. It's like I'm waiting for something bad to happen. So much bad shit has happened lately that I can not be happy right now for fear that in the next moment, hour or day something worse will take place.
Not only that but Kakarott, as usual, pounded me with guilt regarding my betrayal to him. I know I have never been one to let what he says affect me so why does it? I don't know but I think I just need time to think this out on my own. I hope Anna doesn't ask me too many questions. It's like I have lost my strength to continue on. It's very hard for some reason for me to rebound back like I usually do. I just feel broken.
I woke up early this morning unable to sleep. I went and lay down in Takai's room by his crib. I still can't sleep though. Everytime I start to I just feel so restless. The sleep I do get is not good sleep but just me with my eyes closed. I just toss and turn and I can't seem to get comfortable. I know it's a combination of guilt and hard wood floor but I can't help it. Things are just eating at me,...
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