snap
I can't handle it anymore. I woke up this morning and Anna wasn't home. She doesn't trust me. I know it's for the best that I leave so I wrote her a note and I did it. I just want to kill myself but I fear the backlash it's going to cause. I don't want Anna taking her life.
I'm so twisted into knots. I pace and stop and stand and sit. Yesterday I was so tired that all the noise I heard went to a dead silence. I think I might have gone into shock because I couldn't think of anything. I went out that night and took myself to the restaurant Bulma and I had first gone to. I was heading to see her when I stopped at Capsul Corp.
I didn't go in but I should have never stopped. Trunks came out and before he could accuse me of anything I yelled at him. Suprisingly he went away but then Anna showed up. She followed me to the flower store and crushed the flower I bought her. I left her eventually but she was upset. If I was more of a person and "cared about anyone" I might have been concerned. I went to Bulma's grave and gave her the flower. I was going to tell her about my day but somehow I think she already knew how it was going.
That is what I liked about her. I never had to say anything. She could always tell when I was in a good mood or a bad mood or just tired. She always made me feel better. I remember I would lay on the couch and she would sit on top of me. I remember how she yelled at me because I wanted to train more than I wanted to go out dancing with her. I remember how she would get angry and unplug the gravity chamber and how we would fight over it. She left me in June a few years ago so every June I always reenact a date with her just so I won't forget her. Although I must say, the more gone she is the more and more it gets harder to remember things.
I miss all those nights sitting on the couch with her just talking about things. She never cared what I did or who I spent my time with because she knew I belong to her. I went home that night and fell asleep on the couch. I guess Anna never came home.
I don't know what to do anymore. I wrote her a note apologizing for ruining everything. I told her to tell Trunks that I love him and to give Bura a hug for me. I just can't handle this strain anymore. It's getting so unbearable and now that Kakarott is gone and Miu isn't around I don't have anyone to talk to. There isn't anyone around anymore to take my hand and tell me it's alright. There isn't anyone to hold me or tell me things are going to get better or just sit there with me and not expect me to say anything. There isn't anyone to take my hand or stand beside me. There isn't anyone around anymore to ease the pain. Anna just yells and accuses. Jack has his own problems. My son thinks I'm wrong on every issue. Yume is busy with her own worries about Jack. I just have to sit by myself and feel the pain rip through me over and over again.
I don't think I can stop crying as I sit here in front of Bulma's grave. Kami, I feel so weak and deteriorated from it. I just can't stand up anymore and bide the pain like I use to. It's just too much this time...
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