|Current music:||Written in the Stars- Aida Soundtrack|
A Meaningless Meaning
it really is so hard to let him go. so hard. I want to say..I like this girl...even though being the ex gf I'm obligated to hate any other girl he's attracted to. But I suppose I can relate to her about being broken hearted...this is the kinda girl that should replace me. I know I can't fight the inevitable. I'm trying to let it happen. But it's still doesn't surprise me..that it still makes me physically sick to the stomach to think of it. But I'm trying. That's what matters right? I talk to him through IMs knowing he won't respond...just random things....though I'm talking in vain...it seems like the only way that's left to have a tiny piece of him...just a drop of attention or sometimes I just want to be playful. Who know's if he goes through his day thinking about me..as much as I do about him. It really should be cut and dry...emotions are a really tricky thing. I know no one can be him. It's almost such a hard standard to compare to being the guy coming into my life. Casey's really on a pedestal. He shouldn't be. He is no angel. What if something were to happen with Nick...which I know won't...but just to say...if it did. How could I ever feel like I do about Casey with him? You know? Would he be my rebound relationship? I'm trying to keep faith. It got me through that year after Alex. If it's meant to be it will be....but god knows...that it took so long for someone worthwhile to come along. So, I think I should retreat to that sort of notion again and just keep the faith that there's someone else out there for me...and that I'll find him. :) I won't beat myself up over what happened with Casey forever. I messed up....but if he can't forgive me....it's just as much of a loss to him as it is to me. I hope one day he'll realize that.