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Drea (xyour_suicidex) wrote in unsent,
@ 2010-08-28 01:03:00
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    Dear J,
    You said we'd meet. I want to know when. I want to know how. Where. I want to know this isn't just a vague far off maybe someday promise. Again. Everytime we try to meet something happens, and every time I bring up meeting, you get defensive or shut off or angry. Yes, I bring it up a lot, jesus christ, is it so bad for me to want MORE from this, from us? Especially considering you KNOW my history with meeting people online, how can you get mad when I call you out on being shady? Do I trust you? Yes. Do I have any fucking reason to? No, not really. You've given me no concrete evidence. Yes, there are a few things that are basically undeniable, so that you MUST be who you say you are. But at the same time, given how little you've given me to go on over an entire fucking year, I don't think it's wrong for me to question. All my friends think you're fake, and I feel like such an IDIOT for trying to argue with them. I know you're who you say you are, but I want you to prove it. Goddamn, can you blame me for asking nearly every day? I fucking love you. I am in love with you, whether you are who you say you are or not. I'm in love with the person I know. But I just want to talk to you, to see you, to hold you, I feel so fucking alone. I don't know whether this is worth it or not anymore. Can you blame me for asking why you don't want to meet me? You said it's not true but that's what it feels like. I feel like I'm in one of those stupid illegitmate relationships everyone was in on xanga when we were 12. I want this to be real. I just don't know how to handle this overwhelming loneliness anymore.

    I want more. If you can't give me that, I don't want to give you anymore of me.

    your 'girlfriend'

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