|Current mood:|| aggravated|
do you even desire to be called that anymore? do i even desire to be called your best friend? we've been friends for 16 years now, but i think for the last 4 things have definitely been a little shaky. ever since you started dating your ex, you've been completely consumed by boys. i mean, yeah we were 15, but you still chose him over me. we'd have our weekly sleepovers, but you'd sit on MY house phone and talk to him for hours while i laid there wondering when you were going to get off and actually talk to me. it definitely pulled us apart, but who was there for you when you broke up? that's right me. i was there with you to spend every second you needed me until you found your present boyfriend. there's not a time that we haven't spent together in the past 2 years that you have been dating him that he hasn't come along. the worst part is that you invite him without asking. i love him to death and think he's a great guy for you, but honestly, i don't want to hang out with the two of you. you can't keep your hands off each other. it's annoying. can't you hold off for the few hours that you're with me? i think it's rude. i thought it was also really rude that when i traveled 5 hours to spend a night out with my two best friends that you left because you, once again invited your boyfriend to tag along on a girls night and he felt uncomfortable. so you left me in an unfamiliar place to satisfy him.
i shouldn't be called your best friend because you have no idea that i kissed your ex only a few months after your horrible break up. i'm not going to say that i didn't like it, because i did and kissed him back without hesitation. that was over four years ago, but i hung out with him recently. i told you i did, but definitely didn't tell you what happened, nor did you even want to hear that i hung out with him. i don't know if you were mad at the fact that i had smoked up with him or if it was that i was hanging out with him. i didn't want to start a fight, so i didn't even bother to ask. we only kissed that time, but the next weekend things got a little out of hand. i don't think i could ever tell you that i slept with your exboyfriend. to be honest, i don't feel bad. you broke up over four years ago and you are happy in the relationship that you've been in for the past two years. i want to tell you so i don't feel like i'm lying to you, but i know that you are going to be completely over dramatic and tell everyone, including your mother, who will in turn hate me and probably make my life hell. you'll turn this into everyone's business when it isn't. i'm sorry that i feel like i can't tell you.
we need to work on our friendship, because what we have right now is really shitty.
i love you no matter what, hopefully you feel the same.
dear best friend's exboyfriend,
you drive me insane. you are beyond wrong for me, but only for one reason that we'll never be able to get around. you're my best friends ex and that'll never change. the first time you tried to kiss me i was shocked. what was going through your head? i finally let it happen after you continued for the next two days. i think it was more wrong then because you two had just broken up, though that was over four years ago. wow, i can't believe it was that long ago. i hadn't seen you in probably a year or so and i knew what i wanted when i did finally see you. i tried to change my mind the whole night, but of course you probably read my mind and invited yourself into my house. it brought us back to the scene of the crime. you're not as smooth as you may think you are. once again, i knew what i was doing was wrong, but i didn't care. i purposely brought someone with me when i saw you the night before i went back to school. she was my shield from doing something wrong for a third time.
then the madness just continued once i got back to school. we continued to talk about the 'what if's' little did i know they would come a reality days later. i wasn't expecting anything when i got to your house that night, but i left with everything i wanted from you. it was so wrong, but it felt so right. laying there in your arms was what i needed most. i felt like i kind of used you, which i never thought would happen. i don't know, maybe you were using me too. i don't think you're like that though. i didn't think i was like that either.
now, we're in a situation i don't even know where to begin to get us out of it. i think you're kicking yourself now that you're talking to your most recent ex again. i feel like your regretting what happened between us, but honestly honey, theres no way of making it go away. are you trying to turn me off by telling me you have been talking to her or that you planned on going to see her when i come home this weekend? you're not. i have no claim to you nor do i want one. do you think i should feel honored that you are staying home to talk to me instead of going to see her? i don't. i mean, yes, i do have feelings for you, but i'm not sure if it's really you or just the idea of you. i guess we'll have to see after we talk. until then, avoid pissing me off with your light heartedness about this entire situation. i know that's how you are, but now's not the time for that.