| Current mood: | [x eh x] |
| Current music: | [x 187 x] |
[x open my veins x]
What the hell is wrong with me? I thought I moved apst everything. I thought I left my past behind. Four years of pure torture. I thought I left it al behind. I was talking to Ricky. I haven't. I haven't left any of it behind. At all. I still break down and have panis attacks every day. I still feel like I'm lost and alone. I miss Brandon. And Kyle. And Ty. I really miss Andrea. I really really miss Kent. I even miss Andrew. Even though he abused me. I still miss him. I don't know why. I even ahve the scar on my head from when he threw my head through the damned glass. I really miss Kent. I really really do. I feel like I have lost so much with him gone...he said not to hate him for doing it. I don't know if I do or not. I really don't. I feel what I did for him for Ricky now but I still have that feeling of empitness. Never complete. Only when Ricky holds me. That's the only time I feel complete. Ever. Then the rest of the time I just want to walk out, take a gun, and shoot myself. Like Kyle. Or Kent. Or Ty. Or Andrea, but she hanged herself. I just want to give up. When I finally do I'll use pills. Break the trend of shooting. Break it...how I wish I could. My mom is flipping a shit 'cause my sis pecked her b/f on the lips in front of my mom. She amy enver see him again. Ever. I think I may go talk to my sister...we fight a lot but..we're blood? I feel really bad right now. I want to make my mom experience pain. Immense pain. Then I would wish to swallow a box of painkillers and slowly and painfully die. Have my mom see the pain on my face.SOB she is. I dislike her with a passion. I can't hate her. You only ahte the ones you love. I don't love my mom. At all... Whatever. I needed to get all of that out.
xxzzxxolliexxzzxx
(Read comments)
|
