| Current mood: |  crushed |
| Current music: | promise- matchbook romance |
now i realize all those 'i love yous' from u were nothin but lies
this whole week seemed perfectly fine to me.
the day started off great, went to nyc with amanda,nancy,veronica, jay n aj. we were havin fun. at least i thought we were. durin dinner in planet hollywood, he started bein nasty. brought up somethin he promised he wouldnt tell ne1. then i dont kno wat happened. the followin 2 hours in ny were miserable.
we got on the bus at about 8. he sat alone infront of me n every1 else sat behind me. for like 20mins. i sat there thinkin if i should try to make things better. so i tried, for about a half hour. jay asked y he was so mad he responded with "b/c i have a stupid girlfriend." then after a few more trys he ended it with. "u n me, we r done".
the rest of the way home i sat there cryin to myself like always, but after ahile the tears refused to come out, n i wanted to cry so hard. we walked back to nancys house. i sat on the couch alone n started cryin again, all i could here in the background was his voice, not carin 1 fukin bit. nancy came over, then left, then v came n she knew i wanted nothin more than to go home.
so here i am, alone, with my heart shattered. i cant take this. he 1 was the guy i thought was different, he promised me he would never hurt me. but just 2 weeks ago this happened for no reason, n he said hed never let it happen again b.c he didnt want to loose me. so wat now? i have no clue wat i did that was so wrong. all i ever do is love u n care about u n this is wat i get in return? u takin that gun of lies n shottin my heart to pieces til it beats no more. n wat hurts even more is how im cryin rite infront of u n u DONT FUKIN CARE. i dont deal with this nemore, random outbursts of me havin my heart broken for no reason. maybe its bbetter this way, even though i kno i want nothin more than to be with u for as long as live. but i cant take this nemore, i hope ull find some1 to make u happy, n satisfy ur needs in every way, b/c obviously i couldnt
i will be an empty, broken body without in my life , but if we rnt meant to be im not gonna force it.
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