| Current mood: |  depressed |
| Current music: | over it- rufio |
id like to close my eyes n go numb
ive been goin back to my old ways recently. especially in the last 2 days. it seems even worse than before. i hate bein this way, bein depressed, isolatin myself from every1. of course my dad comes in n makes everything worse by makin me feel even worse about myself than i alredi do. sometimes i think if i was "perfect" then things like this wouldnt happen to me. but that will never happen. ive been gettin hurt for years now, i would think im used to it, but im not. its always goin to be this way, i will get stepped on, n have my heart ripped out, again n again, that is my purpose in life, to get hurt. i honestly feel like im dyin inside. i hate it. but it doesnt matter. b.c i can cry myself an ocean n kill myself even more n nothin will change, no one will care, no one will change. i have to realize that this is who i am, n this is how my future is goin to be bc im sure as hell not goin to be success in neway, ill just live my life by lettin ppl walk all over me n hurt me. cant wait.
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