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K had the week end off. We did nothing. We spoke very little. In fact when he got home friday evening I wasn't home and I was in a shitty mood to begin with so... when I walked into the house, I admit I had a bit of attitude. I sort of dropped my groceries on the floor and walked back outside to get the rest of them he followed and carried some in also. He dropped his in the floor too and said "just want to do this like you did". PFFFFFFFT!!!!My reply... "oh whatever". I could physically feel my own eyeballs rolling in a violent circle in my head. I was annoyed!! All weekend, neither of us talked to the other much. Just how it was. I continue to sulk in my own juices. I don't know what to do anymore. I love him, yet Im so fucking angry still, Im so hurt, and I still feel the need to put a 20 foot brick wall to guard my poor shattered heart from anymore harm! So today he asks if Id like to run to the store without the girls and grab us some pop and stuff. Problem is... Im still thinking about how he shoved me out the door before to get stuff so he could get on the phone! So no I didn't want to go. He ended up going to the store himself. After he got back about 45 mins or so later, phone rings its an "unknown caller" I answer... I could hear someone on the line but they didn't talk and they hung up on me. He said "who was that?".. and damn it I couldn't help myself. I said "it was your girlfriend and I answered so she wouldn't talk, you know she doesn't like talking to me." That was shitty of me. Im so tired of biting my tongue! It was my first thought and damn it to hell... I spit it out hatefully! I was so frustrated I wanted to break things. I mean I wanted to pick shit up and slam it into walls. I don't usually let my anger get to me like this. I hate negative energy!! As a rule... if I am annoyed or angry I will walk away to think things out carefully and then if it's something that really got to me.. I will choose my words carefully before blurting them out. I really dislike having to raise my voice. So generally I dont raise my voice, unless Im truly excited. Ok sometimes my kids make me yell, but they are partially deaf, or at least when it comes to me they are! Lol.. (freaking selective hearing) By his bedtime... well we had a little tiff. I don't know if I feel better ,worse or same as I did before. But somethings gotta give here. I swallowed my pride long enough after all was said and done to kiss and hug him godnight and make sure he did know that I DO IN FACT STILL LOVE HIM! Post a comment in response: |
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