Talking about what? Who's talking
I am not much for rambling. I don't say much of anything really. I hate talking to people. I just keep to myself. I used to write in journals frequently. Then I realized. I have nothing to say. Writing out my feelings has grown a little futile. What does it matter? I think on-line journals are the cowards way out for me. Whenever I wirte something about someone I am secretly imagining I am speaking to them & letting them no what I feel. Of course in real situations. I burn bridges. Well,more than burn. I pretty much demolish them. I cut off all communication. If they try to talk to me, I don't say anything. Not a word. Sometimes I want to kick myself. I always feel like I should have let them know what I was thinking. By,that time of course it is way too late. It's just that the more I say,the more I dwell. So,I pretty much shut down & move on. No one gets second chances. In all honesty I am not so sure if I care or not. Like this guy Chris that I used to know. If had the chance I would call him a whiny faggot. I hate that word & would never use on any other occasion. I just know it would hurt his feelings. I probably wouldn't stop until he lashed out back at me.
Then somehow,I'd feel justified. I want them to hurt like I do. I just don't have the balls to do it. I just walk away. Talking takes way too much.
*Sigh* Who knows.