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[x-posted between  lostangelsssong twsersThis weekend has gotten off to a decent start. Last night, I had bio lab, and then we went to dinner. While we were up in the other shopping center, we decided to rent movies. Well, we rented the -animated- version of Lord of the Rings, because the video store had it on DVD, and after watching the animated version of The Hobbit, well I wanted to see how much of a Train Wreck it was. Oh. My. God. First, let's do a run down of what the animated versions of the characters look like. Frodo, Merry, and Pippin: These three don't look that bad actually. They look like animated Hobbits. Frodo has a tendency to cuddle up with Aragorn... which is truly disturbing, but you'll understand -why- when I start talking about Aragorn. Sam: Sam, however, became the Downs Syndrome Hobbit. He's shorter than the other three, fatter than the other three, and a lot -stupider- than the other three. It was like he was the incarnation of all the -bad- connotations of the word "retarded." Aragorn: For one thing, he looked like a caveman. For another, he spent the entire 2 hour + movie running around with NO PANTS! And the worst part is you got -panty shots- whenever he was on horseback. ::shudders:: You think that Elrond would have taught him better... Elrond: Speaking of Elrond, he looked like Caesar. And the camera had this disturbing habit of focusing on his crotch. Though -he- only wore tights, and not pants, so that might explain where Aragorn got it from. The Nazgul: They looked like Jawas. That's really all that needs to be said, isn't it? Gandalf: Gandalf had this -bad- habit of gesticulating wildly and dancing around. Oh, and the whole fight with Saruman was done much better between Christopher Lee and Ian McKellen. Saruman: Speaking of Saruman, he looked like Evil Santa. I'm not kidding, he was "Saruman the White" yet he wore red, and he looked like Santa Claus. It was highly disturbing. And he was in the movie for all of 2 minutes. Galadriel and Celeborn: Celeborn looked like Ken, and had no lines. Galadriel looked like some unholy cross between Michael Jackson, and Debby from Sea Lab. I don't think I need to -say- anymore about them. Boromir: He looked like a viking. A very -disturbing- Viking. And he also had no pants. That, and Animated Boromir took more hits with arrows than Live-Action Boromir. Though the arrows were smaller in Animated Boromir's case. Gimli: Thankfully, Gimli didn't have that many lines. He just had a stupid hat and was almost as tall as Legolas. I feel sorry for the animated dwarves. In The Hobbit they look like Santa's elves, and in this one they're almost as tall as -regular- elves. Legolas: *sigh* I was saving this one for a reason. Legolas is more of a fairy than an elf. Plus, he's voiced by Anthony Daniels, the man who played C3P0. It explains why Legolas is -so- gay in this movie. Beth said Animated Legolas was just around to give head. Considering that two of the Fellowship weren't wearing pants... and Legolas prances around throughout the movie...I'm inclined to agree. Theoden, Gollum, Wormtongue were also in this movie, since they basically combined the first book and parts of the second into one 2 hour long movie. However, since the events of The Two Towers that were included in this only made up the last half hour of the film, it was hardly a remarkbale thing. There is one more thing we must talk about though. This is what Beth and I termed "Dancer-Vision." You see, apparently, large groups of people, and battle scenes, and crowds, etc, were too expensive to animate. Because of this, dancers were used. Now, this was disturbing for several reasons. 1. Isildur looked like Peter Pan in Dancer-Vision. 2. Orcs and Nazgul look the same in Dancer-Vision. 3. Bar crowds are -very- fricking scary in Dancer-Vision, especially when there is a midget thrown in there seemingly at random. 4. Dancer-Vision makes any and all battle scenes incomprehensible. But don't just take my word for it. If you actually want to -see- why this is so frightening, go here and order a copy for yourself. Either that, or try to find this somewhere just to see the badness. ...You know, now I'm tempted to go find the animated version of Return of the King, just to see how bad it would be. Post a comment in response: |
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