| Current mood: | sad |
| Current music: | Qing Tian |
All the money in the world can't buy u happiness...
All the money in the world can't buy u happiness.
I remember a primary school friend once told me that. I always thought otherwise... but today i learnt what that really meant.
Today, on the way back, i started questioning my life, my actions, myself. What's life for? What's the use of living? Then i started wondering, am i really happy? I thought the answer was yes, but upon closer thinking, i realized i'm far from being happy.
I remember people telling me how lucky i am, got rich parents and like very 'successful' like that... sigh... i think it's just the opposite. Well, i guess u could say i've got worms in this big shiny red apple called 'my life'.. Why?
Today, my mum picked me up from the station, and i told her that wilson was coming over tmr (the next day), then she like very suprised like that. Not exactly suprised lah, but like very disappointed like that. Then she went on to say that she had made plans for all of us to go out the next day, cos my sis's birthday... then i told her i needed to do my work. Then she got very upset, and started saying that our family is very broken. All distancced from each other. But the biggest gap is between me and my sisters. and my dad. and even my mum. basically my ENTIRE family. sigh,.... then she said, sometimes she doesn't know what to do, then she started crying... the moment she started crying, i just felt this whole overwhelmation (dunno if got such a word) of feelings. i just couldn't help it.
I started crying too.
Sometimes i just feel so bad. I mean, everytime my family go out, i'm always the one who doesn't go out with them, and always cos i have work to do. arghhhhh....!!! what's happening to me?
Another thing is my dad. He's away so often. I mean, the number of times i see him a year, i can count with my FINGERS. yes, my FINGERS. sigh... just now at the bus stop, i saw this father and son sitting at the side of the drain there, looking at the stars and talking. it wasn't anything special that they were doing, but when i saw it, i became envious. really envious. how i wished i could do something like that with my dad. i mean, i hardly see my dad, and we dun even do such simple things as talk to each other. as in have a nice conversation. i meaningful one. how i wish i just get to do something like that with my dad. nothing special, just maybe go jogging or something... sigh... some people dun know how lucky they are..
My dad's always away, earning money. Now what's the use, if ultimately, u dun get to enjoy that money. and what's the use of being rich. At the most, u only get materialistic things. sigh.... the real things in life that really matter, that mean a lot aren't purchasable. what's the point of being rich if u dun enjoy living ur life, and instead slave away, working so hard to earn money, so that u can enjoy ur life. Now isn't that contradicting? i mean, if u slave away your life, or rather, the part of your life where u should be enjoying urself, what's the use of having so much money? sure, u'd get a wonderfully nice retirement, but then, but dun forget, we only live once. and we're only young once. true, u can be young at heart, but then, what's the use if physically, you aren't really capable of what a young person might be able to do? Simple things like some sports and stuff.... sigh... the whole world revolves around money...
arghhh... many people think i'm very lucky. well, if u considered a home which is cold and aric, a family which you're distant from, a dad which u hardly see at all, indications of luck, then i guess i'm the luckiest guy in the world. Unfortunately (or fortunately), that's not the case.... all the money in the world can't buy u happiness. I'm certainly very satisfied or anything. I ain't happy with my life. sometimes i envy those that actually spend time with their parents, especially those that are really close to their dads...
sigh... I cried today.... what a horrible feeling it is....
What's the use of being rich?
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