| Current mood: | contemplative |
What is a name?
Yesterday was pretty bad. I lost my temper. And sadly, a co-worker of sorts was on the wrong end of it. It's rare I get like that. Even with Muraki I've hardly ever gotten so mad I couldn't see straight. But when Takara began to post pictures up at work-- of me, of Hijiri....of Hisoka.....
I could just feel my blood boiling.
What was worse, was that Takara had been working for Muraki. It seems his clients range from harmless, but perverted lonely counts to raving, definitely not harmless lunatics. He thought it was funny. Funny that I was angry about him taking pictures of Hisoka...
I had to leave, when he came into the office, but he got in a few quick words at me that sent me over the edge before I could get away in time.
Hisoka says he deserved to have me practically rip his rib cage out like I nearly did. But still. It was... a rather disturbing thing for me when I finished. I felt so numb. So tired. I only did that one other time, and it was a long, long time ago. I went home to get cleaned up, and Hisoka tagged along. Konoe and Tatsumi were too taken aback (well Tatsumi really, Konoe was probably just uncertain if I'd turn on him too.) to stop me or punish me then. (though Tatsumi did leave a bill on my desk for cleaning and repairs.)
Hisoka came home with me, because he was worried. I can't blame him. Who wouldn't after seeing me like that? But...I was fine. Just... shaky. I'm anxious. I want to go to earth and stop Muraki... but yet I'm busy doing all this research with Hisoka.... I'm edgy.
Nervous.
The evening got better after I'd showered. One, because Hisoka and I showered together. I know he doesn't like to, because he's ashamed of his body (he changed back to his normal self just when we got home.). But I hope he knows that I don't care about that. I love him, not his body.
We talked a little after getting dressed again. It was nice. Just sitting there, listening to his hushed voice. He made my troubles, and anxiety all but slip away. It was rather cute, because I gave him kitten as a pet name. To which he was offended, but I told him he could call me whatever he wanted in return.
"Tsuzuki... I guess."
Then I knew. It was time. Time to let go of the past and go on with my future. So I told him.
"Asato. That's my name. Only you can call me that."
And call me it, he did. He cried it out into my shoulder, trying to muffle the pleasure he felt was too shameful to express in sound. He did that practically all night. I should feel embarrassed, but I can't really scrounge up the urge to do so. It just....felt right. There was nothing shameful in it, just beauty. Warmth.
I'm really glad he's my partner... Because now I have a friend, and a kindred soul to call to when I need it, and he I.
I wonder if we'll do it again tonight?
I can only hope.
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