| Current mood: |  discontent |
Another down day
Well it turns out that yesterday wasn't a fluke. All day today, I haven't had any urge to talk to or see my boyfriend of eight months. When he finally did come over tonite, I wasn't really all that happy. It seems to me that today just wasn't one of those days where I'm super excited to see or do anything with him. I think a good part of this has to do with the fact that we aren't really having sex anymore. He keeps making these innuendos that we're going to do it, but never follows through. I'm so tired of hearing it, that I never believe him when he says it. He said something on the phone today about having sex kind of blatenly and ever though I said okay, I knew he really didn't mean it. True to form, as soon as he gets over here the first thing I'm told is that he's tired. Typical. Didn't really expect anything in the first place buddy. I think that since I believe sex is an intergral part of a relationship, that the lack of it in mine is making me slowly lose interest. I don't know how much longer I can really keep up with not getting any. I know it sounds a little superficial, but when you think about it having sex is a way to be closer to that person than anyone else you know. (well for most people and myself). If i'm not doing it with my own boyfriend who says he puts me above anyone else, then what's the point? To me, that's not a boyfriend. That's a guy friend. Someone you kiss and say you love and hang out with. A guy friend. Now, I don't usually go around kissing my guy friends, don't get me wrong. Even the most jaded of my own friends have to admit that it's kind of weird how this whole thing is playing out. I was perfectly happy when I didn't have this to worry about, but I am now and I can't really talk to him about it. So i'm holding it inside and it's not getting any better. It really saddens me to think that I might have to end our relationship pretty soon, because I am in love with him. Or at least I was VERY MUCH at one time. What do you do when the feelings just aren't there anymore? Do you stick around to see if they will come back, or do you just move on? I don't really know because I've never been in this situation before. I talked to a friend of mine today, and she says this happens in long term relationships where things kind of cool off or slow down for a bit. Not even she knows what to do because she's never made it past that period. Based on how I have been feeling lately, I'm not too sure if I will make it past either. One thing I do know for sure, only time can tell what will happen.
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