|Current mood:|| depressed|
So it's over...and I couldn't feel much worse. You know that feeling you get in your stomach when you really want something and just can't have it? That's how I feel right now. Its like a feeling of constant hunger. The funny thing about this whole situation is that I kind of knew it was coming. I have this superstition about Valentine's Day, and so it's been true just about every year of my life. I always end up alone by or around Feb 14. It has been true with both of my relationships now. They always end the same way...with them dumping me and me still wanting to work it out. Then sets in the "well if I did this" thoughts. To be totally honest, there is a huge part of me that is still hoping that he'll come around. From the things that he told me were his reasons, I don't see them changing anytime soon. The cold hard facts of it is that I love him with all my heart. It doesn't matter if he is 200 or 300 lbs. Doesn't matter if I never go to another club again. It doesn't matter if all my friends think he's the hugest jerk in the world. None of that changes the fact that I love him and if I could have my way would spend all my time with him. Maybe that's not healthy...but I think it is. I think it's this bitch of a thing called love. It hurts everytime. Every single time.