|Current mood:|| lonely|
One step closer...
Everyday, I feel like I'm sliding farther and farther away from my relationship. On days like this, I feel like I have a sort of distant friend rather than a boyfriend. If you would have asked me when I first started dating this guy would this be happening with him, I'd tell you hell no, he's not that type of guy. It seems lately though that I have been finding a lot of the things about him that I thought he doesn't do, he actually does. I just think that when I met him, he was better at hiding it than some of the other people I had been talking to at the time. It's so funny how you can look back on a long relationship and see all the good things. Being the kind of person I am, I tend to forget most of the bad things. I don't think he's that same kind of person though. He seems to remember the bad things with remarkable clarity, unless it is something that he did. Then it gets a little fuzzy. It's really sad, but for someone in a relationship that is going on a year, I feel awfully lonely. I sit around in my room and think that I might as well be single, because if I were it wouldn't really be all that different. Life has a funny way of working out. Things are actually going really well in my life these days. My career is slowly but surely adavancing to somewhere exciting, I have a good job and make decent money, I have a couple friends that I'm pretty close too and am pretty sure I can count on, my family is doing well...I really can't complain because I haven't been dealt a bad hand. It just seems that in the relationship area of my life, I'm always dealt a bad hand. I have been checking out some guys on these pic rating and profile websites, and I'm so jealous of the ones that say they are in a relationship and they think that their guy is the hottest or most wonderful guy in the world. This is very sad to say, but I don't think I can say the latter for mine...I just don't feel loved, and that's the saddest thing of all.