i think i could look at the stars for ever. there was a lunar eclipse tonight, and no clouds, so the stars were just so incredibly bright, but nobody really seems as intrigued by them as i am. i think they're wonderful. tonight i turned off the lights in my house, put the music really loud, took a shower in the dark while singing to the really loud music, bundled up in my winter coat and layed flat out on the ground in my driveway. sarra called and i talked to her for almost half an hour while i just layed there looking up at the stars. the wind was blowing the leaves around me and it was just so silent. it was amazing. i felt like i could really think about everything thats been going on for me lately. i've felt like shit for too long, and i dont want to do it anymore. i feel like i've been so selfish to everyone, at times when they need me more. i've got to grow up, move up, and stop feeling sorry for myself. i remember when i felt like this in august. i had a walk to nowhere and ended up past erins and my grandmas almost to sarras. i had decided to write paper letters and mail them to all my closest friends, about how i thought the year should go. funny this is not at all how i pictured things then. i never did write those letters something reminded me of that tonight, so i wanted to write it down. im going to try looking at the stars more often.. it makes me feel like nothing, noone can touch me. to quote one of my favorite books, it made me feel infinite.