It feels kinda good. None of my LJ or DJ friends know about this thing. And the only people that would see it, I don't really know or care what they think of me.
I couldn't stand it anymore. I had to censor my own life on my LJ / DJ. Made me so mad. All of those times I wanted to write about the crap I felt like, I knew that my IRL friends would see it. And I don't want to be bothered with "I hope you feel better" and all that shit. I can't stand that. I can't take that. Everyone has the same problems, why does one person deserve to be told that it's going to be all right? It's not. My god, I hate everyone.
Sometimes, I feel like my insides are shaking. Everything runs cold. And I know it happens to everyone else all the time. I don't get it! I just don't fucking get it. I hate everyone. Everything. I hate being sad. I hate other people being sad and complaining about it because I'm no goddamn better than they are.
And I hate people that complain. I mean, I can take people doing it. I will even feel sorry for some people. But the ones who abuse everyone else. The ones who will just randomly bring up "And I threw up all of my food again today." If you're saying something like that, you want help. Why don't you just fucking ask for help or keep the whole goddamn thing quiet. Sure, sure. It might be hard to ask for help. Get over it. The pleading in the "I'm so poor, help" every five fucking seconds! The girls (mostly) who whine. All the time. You bother you with their problems all the time.
Let me correct myself.
The girls who bother everyone with their problems, all the time. Who just abuse the fact that once someone was nice and cared. And then yell at you and call you the fucking scum of the earth when they can't take you anymore. The ones who take a listening ear for granted.
And the people that pamper them. Let them talk their ear off. Some are good natured. Others don't want to see her get her feelings hurt. She'll never learn. Thank god I only know two of these people. But the fact that they exist disgust me.
Hm.
Crying sucks. It's so twisted. And weak. But it happens. I hate it. Over the smallest thing. How come the smallest things mean so goddamn much?
I am so angry. At everything and everyone. And at myself for being so weak. I hate humans. And this is how it's going to be always.
I don't want to kill myself because I'm sad. I want to kill myself because this world is disgusting.
I hate how heavy it feels. What the fuck is pulling my insides down with my mood. Don't leave me again. Ever.
(Read comments)
|
