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Tristan (tmnyboston) wrote,
@ 2004-07-11 23:29:00
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    Are you single?
    I found this article on bullz-eye.com, I found it to be fairly obvious but makes some good points


    Why women don't like AVERAGE men
    by: David DeAngelo, Author of "Double Your Dating"
    07/06/04

    This week I want to talk about an obvious point that's taken me a few years to really notice.

    The idea is simple: We humans don't want what everyone else has... we want what everyone else has AND MORE. In the context of women and dating, it goes like this:

    WOMEN AREN'T ATTRACTED TO GUYS THEY PERCEIVE AS AVERAGE.

    Remember, ATTRACTION doesn't make logical sense...Women don't say "Oh, he's a kind, honest, loyal type of guy from a good family... AND THAT REALLY TURNS ME ON."

    Nope.

    Women say things like:

    "He's sexy"... "There's chemistry between us"..."I really feel something for him"... etc.

    And also remember: If a woman feels a strong ATTRACTION for you, then the rest of the equation isn't as important. If she feels it, she'll go out of her way to find good reasons to be with you...even if you're not her "physical type".

    On the other hand, no amount of gifts, favors, dinners, kindness, or a good family will make her feel ATTRACTION... at best these things can only make her feel a more "loyal" kind of love.

    So if women don't like "average" guys, and the most important thing is to make her feel ATTRACTION towards you, then how do you do it?

    I thought you'd never ask...

    First, let's talk about the word "average" and what it REALLY means.

    As far as women are concerned, and especially the ATTRACTIVE ones, men are EVERYWHERE. They're like cars. Every once in awhile one stands out and makes you say "Oh, that one is nice."

    A lot of guys take this concept too far and say "Well, I'm not rich, and I'm not famous... so no really hot woman is going to find me attractive."

    My experience and research has shown me that women are far more ATTRACTED to things like attitude, confidence, body language, humor, etc. than looks or money. Sure, those things might INITIALLY get a woman's attention, and there are those women that will only settle for a rich or unusually handsome guy... but this is the extreme minority.

    In fact, it's very easy to be seen as "above average" if you know what women are looking for, and you know how to deliver.

    Remember the danger: If you are perceived as "average" early on, then a switch goes off in her mind, and the game will be over before it's even begun.

    So let's do a little exercise...

    Let's figure out two things:

    1) What most guys do that women see as "average", and...

    2) What you can do to instantly be seen as "ABOVE average" and, most importantly, ATTRACTIVE.

    First, let's talk about what most guys do in most situations (more specifically, what most guys do WRONG). Here are some of the things that I've seen...

    If the setting is a bar or a club, most guys will either say "Can I buy you a drink?", "Wanna dance?", or "Hey baby, how YOU doin'?"... or they do crass things like stare at women with wanting eyes or grab them as they walk by.

    If the setting is a public place, like maybe a woman working at a clothing store, a waitress, or some other similar high-traffic situation, most guys will ask a lame question like "Do you have a boyfriend?" or "Can I take you out sometime?"

    Ugh.

    These kinds of approaches can only result in you being seen as another lame, average guy.

    Here are a few ideas to try instead...

    If you're in a bar or club setting, try asking a woman or a group of women THEIR OPINION on something. I personally like this one:

    "Hey, my friends and I were talking and we need a female perspective... What do you ladies think about this new trend of women being proud of paying their own way and buying their own things? Like the Destiny's Child song "Independent Woman?"

    Women will usually ENTHUSIASTICALLY join into a conversation like this one. (I personally like this topic because it starts off by talking about women taking care of themselves in a positive light, which sets the stage for not having to pay for a lot of things right up front!)

    If you're out in a public place, at a store where a woman is working or some other high-traffic place, you might try something like this:

    After chatting about whatever business you're doing there, say "Hey, are you single?"

    I love this question! It's such a shocker, and it says all the right things. Most guys say "Do you have a boyfriend?" which is the usual question. "Are you single?" is much more forward, and most women have to do a double take to think for a moment.

    If she pauses, I say "I'll take that as a YES...", which is pretty funny and usually gets a laugh.

    In either of these cases, it's now time to get the digits and get out. You already know that I'm not a fan of standing around and trying to keep a conversation going for any longer than you have to.

    So after two or three minutes of small talk and general conversation, just go into the "3 Minute Phone Number" close that you've learned in an earlier newsletter or in my book...

    Say "It was nice talking to you, I'm going to get back to my friends... (or shopping, or whatever)" and as you turn away, turn back and say "Do you have email...?" etc.

    These two scenarios are obviously very simple, and also very easy. I've had guys say to me "Well, there's nothing really that different about those approaches."

    Ah, but there is.

    The most important difference is that you're doing something COMPLETELY different than the other 47 guys who have approached her that day... and you also know EXACTLY what you're going to do and say and the conversation progresses.


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