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Nathan (thumperbunny) wrote,
@ 2003-10-09 01:46:00
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    Current mood: sleepy
    Current music:American Skathic Vol.#2 CD

    long time no write
    Well, It's been a while since I've written mostly from the recent move to Danville. The move for my Job and get away from the negetives of Lexington. Sure, there were ups to being in a big town, but so far, I like the smaller town aspect. Plus, sorta feels like you're able to start over, without actually starting over. So, anyway, the job thing is going well, I've been told (wether it happens or not, waiting to see) that I'll be taking over Harrodsburg store when my training is complete. I really enjoy my house, although I may be renting it. It still feels like mine. Of course, a small part of me is unhappy with the house. That being the part it's not fully mine. If it were fully mine I know I'd do alot to it, then just painting and some maintance. The electrical wiring of this house is so out of wack, It would take some time to correct, if it were fully mine. I'd be fixing it atm instead of being here. Some wiring I can do, but not exactly what I have in mind. Some day though.

    Music has been put on hold for now *sigh* for once I'm at the same place of my drums on a daily basis and still can't play them. Jaime please don't feel that your the reason that I can't play. I can't play b/c I don't want water damage to the riser, thus needing bricks and need to cut the riser in half to move from garage to basement. I say I'm going to do it after work when I get home. I procastinate myself from doing it. I want to relax, do nothing, and spend time with my family when I get home from work. One of these days I will get around to it.

    This house kinda came with some wooden furniture that's unfinished, also one of these days I'll look up how to finish them. Then we'll have extra couches and chairs that will prolly make the basement more of a den/studio. thus also meaning I want to eventauly finish-in the basement. Which will take quite some time. But It would seem kinda cool to finish a project that you can use at you're own descresion. But I also procrasinate finish them, for the lack of confindence in myself of doing such things. I've never really done woodworking of this nature. I cut down a tree limb or the tree itself, but never made furniture from it.

    In conclusion, I need to find confindence in myself to get things around here done and at work. While also spending time with Jaime and Connor. Every time I think of how I'm going to pull off such ordeals. I need to remember to have patience with the quote "There hurrier I go, the Behinder I get" (Unknown). I need to adjust my mind track and get things done, and done right. God right by my side guiding me and pulling me in the right direction. I pray everyday not for myself but others, for I am not selfish nor do I want to be. I know He hears my prayers and answers me in His ways. But I feel blind to His answers for I expect certains answers and I shouldn't. I used to not ask of myself, but now I do. I ask ffor forgiveness everyday and guidence. However I still ask Him to watch over the troops, elderly, and our youth. And most importantly should He ever decide to take me early that He watch over my family or at least let me be my family gaurdian angel. I care for family a lot, including my father and sister. My relationship with my sister has gotten much better these days. My father and I are slowly getting better. Since the move he helped move stuff I had at my parents place and helped fix the water pressure in the bathroom. Both times upon his departure we hugged, which never really happened. Although sometimes his ways can get to me, but he seems to be matured and fatherly to me. Maybe I'm proving something to him and making him proud. Or could be the letting go of his kid, who is moving on in life. I'm glad and happy to be building better relationships. However, no matter how hard I try, I fear that Joshua and I will not be able to build better than what we have. I understand his ordeals, but he should make some sort of effort to be better. I'm sure there is some jealousy on his behalf, but I wish there wasn't. I rather him be happy for me. Thankful for me helping his music career, instead pushing me out the way he did. I cannot fix my brother, but he can more to me if he tried harder if tried at all. Somehow in the end I hope he comes around, though I can't be surprised if he doesn't.

    Lastly, I leave on a good note. That being I feel like a rock has sort of been lifted from upon my chest, the music sort of helped too. :)



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