|Current music:||Foolish Games|
"Tell me anything, I won't be offended I promise," he said. "Okay, I responded. "You seem like a very introverted person." "Meaning...?" he asks. I responded stupidly and I said something like, "Well I can tell you keep to yourself." "Yeah I do and I don't talk much either. What I have to say is too deep for most people." Ha!! Too deep? Please!! I've never met a man in my life who was deep! That's insane!! I mean it was a friendly gesture..Rachel and I didn't have to sit with him. He could have sat by himself. I mean that was just the end to a totally dissapointing day! Man, that boy was frustating!! Could he be anymore self absorbed!??! It's doubtful folks-really doubtful. I have never met a man in my life that I have truly respected except Mr. McNeely and I am now just being to respect my father again, although it's hard. All the pathetic people I have dated..except Ryan he really seemed like a good guy. And I guess Tyler was too, although he was a bit clingy....Gregg was though the most frustating of them all. Even though I'm over him, I still get so upset sometimes just thinking of him, and how I could never quite get through no matter how hard I tried. I always felt I was outside looking in on him..just like that Jewel song, Foolish Games, quite possibly one of the greatest songs ever written. I watched him from afar and I just wondered why I couldn't get through and why on earth I even wanted to- he obviously wasn't worth it... Oh well, there is a quote that says: The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of. I believe that and I want to believe Jason too. But I just keep thinking it isn't worth it...I mean he will like all the others inevitably leave me. I'm obviously not worth it if every guys I've ever truly cared for dumped me. And Jason will be the same way. He thinks I'm all great and wonderful now, but then I just won't fit into his equation and I'll get tossed aside for something better. With Aaron it was Purdue , with Gregg it was ...I dont' know what it was. I was too young, I was too this, Ryan would make fun of me if I dated you. There were so many reason I wasn't quite good enough. Good Riddance to bad trash, is what I always like to say!
College is really stressing me out soo bad. I'm so afraid I will fail in so many ways. Leigh is so good at everything, and I lack in so many ways. My guess is that I'll fail. Why did she have to get everything on God's great earth? I don't begrudge her though, I love her so much! I wish I could give her everything she's ever wanted I really do- but that's hard when what she wants is what she doesn't need.
I hope this thing with Aaron works out for her though, even though I don't trust that name, he seems like a great guy!! We'll see- I guess I'll have to tell you all how it goes. Even though "you all" consists of Rachel...the best friend in the whole world!! :) ALright, I'm out~