| Current mood: |  drained |
| Current music: | Brian Regan stand-up on CD (sooo funny!!!) |
Yesterday went beautifully! I successfully got out of dinner and dessert without raising any suspicion. The only things I had yesterday were 36 oz. of water and a piece of gum, bringing the grand total of cals to 5. I wasn't able to exercise at all, except for the walk to and from my car to work, totalling a little over a mile. I was going to walk (3-6 miles) when I got home, but when I realized I could get out of dinner/dessert easily, I took a nap instead since I was REALLY tired and weak. I couldn't believe how weak I was, and I realized I need to eat something soon, but I put it off until today. This morning I felt horrible when I woke up: nauseous and weak. I had to park (illegally, haha, but its ok) closer to work because I wan't sure if I could make the long walk to my office from where I usually park. Even walking up the three flights of stairs to my office was hard; I started to feel a little dizzy. Don't worry, though, I brought an orange to eat for lunch today. Also, my boyfriend and I are going out to eat tonight, so I'll be fine. I'm kind of dreading going out, though, since you can't get anything small or healthy at a lot of restraunts (well, besides a salad, but I don't like salads...I'm really picky when it comes to veggies, the only one I eat is corn, and occasionally carrots). Its probably best that I eat a decently sized dinner cause I think we might drink a little afterward, and if I try to drink after having less that 100 cals/day for the last few days I would get really sick to my stomach.
Yay! I'm so excited! My boyfriend (Chase) has been out of town for almost a week and I get to see him today...and I've lost about 5 lbs since the last time he saw me. I'm down to about 102/103...hooray, hooray.
I've started reading Wasted: A Memoir Of Anorexia and Bulimia by Marya Hornbacher. It's really good so far, though I'm only on page 38. Its just getting into her bulimia, which I really can't relate to, but its still interesting. I'm looking forward to the section on her anorexia, since it applies more to me. Anyways, I recomend it. It's tough trying to read it since I don't feel comfortable reading it when my parents are home because I'm afraid they see it and get suspicious. If they do find it I can always tell them I'm worried about a friend and reading it so I can understand the disease better.
Good luck, girls...be strong!
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