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saw 'slumdog millionaire' today and it's very good. brought back a lot of being in india, which basically meant that by the end of it i was completely exhausted. my sister said, 'i could barely handle two hours of that, how did you handle 4 months?' and i couldn't really answer her. the entire experience is at once so close and so far away, it feels like part of it happened to someone else entirely. natalie asked me last night what my most definitive moment in college was, and i chose watching the sun rise over tiger hill in darjeeling, simply because that was the furthest i had ever been from anything i had ever done before, geography-wise, and a-lot-of-other-stuff-wise too. in some ways i feel so far away from that moment that it's almost like i've gone half-circle in that orbit - i've moved so far away from that point in my life where i can look at myself in it now face-to-face, almost completely objectively. coming out of the movie theater was culture shock all over again in a way. being completely befuddled at all the empty space that's out here, about what a luxury it is and how no one ever thinks of it that way. the luxury of a nation being so new that there is space in it. there is still in some places a clear morality that has not been compromised by the weight of people living there for a thousand years. and it is so luxurious that we do not even consider at what cost we attained this newness, which was basically by eliminating or ignoring who was there before. went home and slept afterwards and dreamed of india even more. then watched 'gosford park' with my parents. i had seen it before, years ago, and forgotten how fucking hot clive owen is. there's one really sudden passionate kiss in it between him and mary, the protagonist, and after it he half-laughs, catching his breath, and says, 'ooh. i've been wanting to do that since i set eyes on you.' i know my life is probably better without things like that happening to me recently. i'm obviously not responsible enough to deal with them, as previous experience has proven. but even more than physical intimacy i miss that honesty, that spontaneity, someone suddenly opening themselves to you and you to them. it doesn't last, i know, even if it's a hard ghost to shake. nevertheless... it's stuck in my head, the line 'there are dreams that cannot be there are storms we cannot weather' but still everything goes on. Post a comment in response: |
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