i long for the things i never had
the first cut is the most difficult, but only because you're slipping back into a habit, previously stigmatized with the name horrible. after that, it's like a little bit of heaven. bold strokes made without fear or hesitation marks. the sensation of tears welling up behind your eyes, but liquid drops running red down your skin. i haven't hit below the skin yet, but these are dull scissors and i'll just press harder. my body is filling up with the pure energy of anger that i can't otherwise express normally. it's been so long, but it is its own kinda of ecstacy and right now, i can't believe i ever stopped. who did i stop for and why? who was worthy enough (and i say it sarcastically) for me to give up my crowning achievement- a coping mechanism that works. and i hope you're happy.
oh to bleed for a purpose. i pray you're part of the solution, not the problem.
~raven
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