| Current mood: |  sleepy |
| Current music: | nadda |
5 more days till my birthday!
ugh! chirstmas finally here. just bought David's presents, my brother. already got Sarah's, my sis. and my cousins Rachel and Megan presents too. didnt know what to get mom or dad and dont have enough money to buy them anything so i dont know what im gonna do about that. grrr. hopefully Blockbuster or Sam Goody will respond to my applications. i just filled out the one at Blockbuster today after i got David's thing. tomorrow, well today, have to go to Granny's for christmas. Tante Mona, Uncle Gary are gonna be there. Paul i think too. maybe Beth, Shane, and Shawn (their baby) might be there too. at least they should be, its tradition.
then tomorrow, thursday, we're having christmas at our house, since Nana died in April. and last year we had it at Aunt Barb's and Uncle Tom's. cuz she was staying there from the medication and stuff. being needed to be taken care of, help from other people stuff.
my party's gonna be on monday. So far people that i know that are comming(or more on the yes side): Sarah, Andy, Erica, Emily, Grace, Danny & his gf, Jon & Ken, Venus, Kayla, Jay, Pam, Katie, Sharla, Jakie, Crystal, Matt, Cassie, Amber
then maybes: Ben, Mark, John P., Dustin, Jamie, Tyler, Leah, Andy
No's are: Kim, Adam, Brett, Cody, Rick, Jake, Jarrod, John A., Scott & Ashley
i think thats all. well it should still be fun. hopefully Ben can come. i really want him too. i should find some days where i can go up there and spend time with him. the closest days i can think of are spring break. maybe i can find a weekend to go up there. that'd be nice.
mom and dad went to the corner bar again today. and whent they got back my mom started talking to me about Ben. she was like "you know you can get hurt by him" and i was like "yeah i know" and she asked me how, and i was like "its a long distance relationship, there can be problems" and she asked me again kinda and i was like "every relationship has they're problems, look at yours. you bitch about it all the time. even thinking about divorce." then she said "do you think you're being used?"(at least i think its something like that, cant remeber) and i was like "what? for sex?" and she said "is that what you want?" and im like "i dont care."
i dont think that he would do that to me. long distance come on, not gonna have it that often, then when you do see eachother thats one thing you might be doing. same thing with regular relationships. thats pretty much the way things go. see me i dont plan to wait till marriage, cuz i dont know when im gonna get married, if i ever do. i dont want to die a virgin, cuz i want to experience life. im sick of being one, then again im not sure if i want to. its like that love-hate thing. grrr. it sucks. like my mind is more onto one side, then i think about it some and it changes. im thinking that i might just do it and get it over with and see where it goes from there. i might just go with that one. but not to just anybody who comes along, with someone that i really want to be with and like. im thinking about with Ben. i did this last time with Jarrod. now look at me. im practally over him and onto a different guy. geeze i still liked Jarrod when i met Ben. wow. see how much things change over time? especially when they say no, and you dont really want to wait a forever long time for them.
wow its been about 9 1/2 months since i been single. then again i went longer. didnt have a bf till i was 15 and 11 months pretty much. only had 2 bfs in my life, not that experienced in anything, excpet hugging. what good does that do? right now at least. getting closer to guys, keeping warm. yeah thats a plus for that. but thats pretty much all i know. if Ben can come down he can do more to me. i remember the first time we talked online he wanted me to ask him a question and i really couldnt think of one, he decided to give me motivation by saiying that he will give me a kiss. so i thought of one, and he said next time he sees me he'll give me one. then time goes by and i find out that he likes to bite while kissing, and i think that i would like that. (cuz when i do kisses with Daisy she sometimes gets my lip and it feels cool.lol) then he said he likes to tease too. so yeah he's pretty interesting.
i think i should really shut up about Ben now. i dont have anything else to talk about really. i need or want to talk to him too, and he's not online. grrr. maybe tomorrow night :) lol. well i should be going to bed, getting tired and my stomach isnt feeling too good. i think its empty. haha. i didnt eat that much today. yay! i wish i could do that everyday. eat as much as i did today. only had 2 doughnuts, a popcicle, poptart, some chips, and coke, orange jucie, and water to drink. all over a period of time. and now my stomach is making itself noticed. bad stomach, you have bad timing! haha. too bad i dont think tomorrow is gonna be like this. never know till it happens.
oh! i rearranged my room last night. haha. bed and dresser traded spaces, night stand between closet and door moved between big bookshelf and bed. drawer container moved to where the night stand was, and the smaller book shelf stayed only moved closer to the dresser. haha. its different. i need to work on my ceiling stuff again. move some of the posters around and fix the glow-in-the-dark stars. lol. also need to fix my stereo. the one speaker cant be where it was on the wall cuz the cord dont reach that far anymore, since its farther down now. gonna need to move posters on that wall too.
cleaned up my bookshelf and top dresser drawer of junk stuff. then put more stuff in it in a more organized manner, at least tried to. then i cleaned out my night stand and did the same thing, also the top drawer of the drawer container. and am filling up this box under my bed with papers and that. its pretty interesting. need to clean up my big bookshelf. think im gonna move all the beanie babies to the curio cabnet in the living room, like it was at the old house. then im gonna use the shelves for clothes or something. we'll find out when the time comes! haha.
okay! i am going now! need...to...sleep... gonna...fall...over...soon... okay. good night all!
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