|Current mood:|| ditzy|
There is SOMETHING wrong with me!
Ok so, I am contuing to be a spineless chicken, seeing as I can't get the nerve to talk...I mean REALLY talk to steve. I walked in determined to spill my guts but Hazel had him in a...compromising position, which couldhave looked bad, but I'm sure it was just a comfort hug...or at least that BETTER have been all it was. Either way I left really fast, no explanations wanted or needed...I'll try again some other day I suppose.
Perhaps it's just hormones, or perhaps it's a girly crush but I can't get my mind off Harry. It's horrible I know, and I would never act on these feelings, if that is what you want to call them...more just like physical reactions, but oh well...he's just so...fuck...he's so damn hot! There are probably goingto be a thousand journal entries in here about him...oh well at least I can spill my guts to the paper and not to anyone else..because God forbid Hazel ever found out that all my recent fantasies have put me and her husband in very interesting positions! LOL. One thing I do want to do, and I don't know why...is touch his scar...I mean it sounds so corny...and whern I think about it it is completely stupid but it is just so...legendary? Agin a corny lines but I'm fascinated by it...by him...oh well, I'll state my usual saying "Hazel is so damn lucky"
Ok off the Harry tpoic, for I feel I am bordering on obsessive, I should think more about steve...or should I? He hasn't npticed me much lately...well he never notices me much unless of course he's horny...wow that sounded bad..but fuck it's true...I think I'm begining to see the "whole picture" I mean, I think all I am to steve is a friendly fuck, and if thats all it is...then fuck him...but like I said I need to talk to him about all of this...I need to know to what level he is using me and to what level he actually has feelings for me. If he has any feelinsg at all...I suppose I shoulnd't assume anything at all. Well I hope Hazel and him sort throuigh all their shit...because God knows they have alot to sort through. I know I'm not in the best position but I wouldn't want to be in either of their shoes right now...well maybe Hazel...but thats just because...oh nevermind...MUST STOP HAVING BAD THOUGHTS ABOUT HARRY! ok...i've calmed down LOL.
Back to reality, I've written alot and I could probably blab on forver, because well thats just how I am...but what can I say...I ned to vent..I need to sort things out and since they don't make all that much sense in my head I figured they just might make sesne on paper. After re-reading this I have found out it is all just as fucked up on paper...oh well..the story of my life!