|Current mood:|| thoughtful|
|Current music:||You're just too good to be true cant take my eyes off of you|
It's amazing that some things can be so far out of reach and still be the closest to our heart....
for a few past entries: www.xanga.com/taramac its not updated like at all... but oh well.. skipped right over nationals and the last month of my life, probably one of the most influential and important of my life so far...
To sum up the last month a little.... San Antonio was awesome, got to see lots of friends. Last performance in Texas was one of the most emotional performances I've had (behind Nats '01, SA '02, Nats '03) It was so surreal knowing that I would never again perform in this state with these people that I've grown to love as my own family these last three years (or less for the kiddos.) When it was all over and the bleachers began to clear out.. I just layed out in the middle of the field with a few of my girls... three years just caught up all of us at the same time and we had a good time of reflection. I love them so much! My senior flute girls: Yall mean the world to me and I have NO idea how I'm going to survive without you ladies next year.. how can I not start each and every day off seeing your beautiful shining faces?? I guess I'll just have to figure out a way to cope with it!! I can just see the phone bills now!! hahah. Then that Thursday-Saturday was Nationls. Simply amazing and the best possible way to end off my senior year... we were told to leave it all on the field and that is exactly what I did. I could not have possibly played better than I did and could not have possibly poured more of my heart into every single note. That week was amazing. I learned that nothing that incredible can possibly last forever. If it did, it would lose its affect and would not be appreciated. I had a BLAST with my friends and was fortunate enough to spark what has quickly become an incredibly important friendship to me... I was very reluctant to leave at more than one point of the trip and would love to be able to live through it again (although some parts I would change.. like spending more time with a certain someone.) But all great things must come to an end, apparently, so I'm just glad I was able to end it like that with the people I ended it with. '04 One Hell of a ride!
Okay, so Saturday I had Phase II (well I guess I for piccolo) of all region and I got second chair. Pretty exciting. I got to advance on to area which is held at UTA in January. The region concert and practices are on Jan. 16 & 17th... go figure THAT is how I'll be spending my 18th birthday. Can you believe it? 18... I don't know where the time went, but it just slipped out of my fingers! I'm about to enter the stage of life where people will be expecting me to decide what I want to do for the next 50 years of my life..while I'm still a child myself! It will soon be acceptable for me to find a man to spend the rest of my life with. Find the next 70ish years of my life at 18? It will soon be expected that I start a family... have a carreer, get married, have babies (when did I stop being a baby myself?) It's scary and I'm not too sure that I'm ready for this kind of responsibility that will be ushered upon me soon. I guess I'll just have to remember to take one step back, breathe, look at all the simplicity around me, and realize that this is what is supposed to happen. Maybe that way I'll be able to accept it easier.
So sometimes I get the feeling that I'm being tested in someway. Like... something that I know I want or that I know is perfect will be there.. but just right out of my grasp. One of those relationships that has quickly grown into being one of the most special people in my life. Like a certain guy said... "You know...it's really *hard corps* awesome when one person can turn ur whole night around and make it awesome.." You know its something special when you catch yourself smiling randomly and realize it's because you were thinking of a certain person or when their physical pain makes you sad and you wish nothing more than to just take all of their pains and anguish away. But I guess for now there's nothing I can do but wait...... but I think fate will make it up to me. It has to, right? That "current mood" thing only lets you chose one mood... what am I supposed to do when I have so many emotions running through me at one time? I guess I'll just have to wait until another entry to let those shine.
Well I've officially been trying to write this for about two hours so I'm going to go ahead and go now.... hope I didn't bore you TOO much
And I'll leave you with this because I think this best describes me right now:
Born N So Cal: