hm...
Yeah, I just realized that I'm almost 20 years old. It's crazy. I can't be that old. In only 3 more years i'm going to be completely out on my own with a real job. Will I be married? engaged? have a boyfriend? it's so stressful trying to imagine. What do I really want? Do I want to get married? I'm not even sure. But the thing is (especially at my school), do I even want to get into a relationship? I mean basically at this point in my life you have to carefully look at relationships and decide if its possibly for forever. This isn't a jr high boyfriend/girlfriend thing. It has to be for real. You dont know for sure that it'll be over in a few weeks and then you can move to the next boy. How do you even handle that sort of thing? It's like my mind can't fathom something like that. I don't want to grow up. I want to just be friends with boys forever. Or have the right person just fall into my life one day and just KNOW. knowing is the hardest part. What should I do? I have to be incredibly careful because i've never had a boyfriend who actually treated me well. I don't know if I know how to react. I'm so used to being treated with extremes and not knowing what to expect and fearing the guy i'm with. it was either extreme lovingness and kindness or extreme hatred and cursing at me. What's it like to be in a healthy relationship? I dont want to be afraid of the guy i'm with anymore. relationships seriously scare the hell outta me.
(Read comments)
|
