blah blah blah
Well, for anyone who actually cares (basically, no one) or who has been reading this thing for a while (again, no one) I finally told my ex to leave me alone. I'm really gonna try to stick with it this time and not call or see him. I really need to just move on. I told him nicely that I needed to move on from him and blah blah. He didnt' take it so well, but he understands that I don't want him in my life anymore. I just feel absolutely horrible for hurting him. I know he hurt me, and he really has no right to control what I do or say, but I think it's partially because I'm scared of him and scared of what he's capable of doing. I just hope I never run into him again. The last time I tried to stop contacting him, he found me. And I just about had a nervous breakdown. I'm not even kidding. I get chills thinking about how scared I was of him. It ended up him charming me back into being "friends" or whatever. But we can't just be friends. I realized that its not even him. It's me. Every time I'm near him, I just want to kiss him. Like last time I saw him last summer. i went to his house with him and he was actually respectible and told me I could wait for him to shower and stuff in the living room downstairs. But no, I was the one who decided to go upstairs with him and then proceed to lay all over his bed. Come on. That was totally my fault no matter what I want to believe. I completely initiated it. I can't let that shit keep happening though. I'm not either. I'm starting over. Next month, it will have been 3 years since we broke up! It's BEYOND time to start breaking away. He's not good for me. But I love him. And always will. But I'm serious about it this time. I just hope he doesnt find me.
Ok, as for some different news, this girl down the hall is still driving me fucking insane. she still invites herself places and still asks annoying questions all the time. my poor roommate had to drive her to walmart the other day after she completely "invited" lauren to take her.
valentines day can kiss my ass.
i have no fucking clue what i want to do with my life right now. it's so frustrating.
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