I think a lot.
Most of the time, I think too much.
I can't let go of things easily at all. They haunt me. They nag at me. They eat away at me.
No one understands.
I don't allow myself to feel the things I need to in order to get past them. How can I expect anyone else to understand what's going on in my fucked up head, when I don't even understand it myself? I can't. They can't. We just can't.
...and I don't know how to stop that.
Today was not a good day - not a good day at all. Today was one of those "thinking way too goddamn much" days.
After over 10 months, I fucking caved. It couldn't have been more than 5 minutes that completely erased my previous victory. It was inevitable. It always is. 10 months, 2 years, 4 days, 3 weeks, it doesn't matter - it always comes back. It is, and probably always will be, a part of who I am.
I feel like I'm loosing control of myself all over again and this time, I think I may not ever get it back.