|Current mood:|| aggravated|
|Current music:||P. Diddy .x. I need a girl (Part II)|
At the end of the day.
It's been crazy. I can't really explain life any better than that, it's the only thing that makes sense. It's been crazy.
I hurt sometimes. I know everyone does, but when it's personal -- thinking about the pain of the world only multiplies your own. I tried to be an image, a living doll with implanted ideas and answers and it almost swallowed me whole. I lost myself for a long time, looking in the mirror became a face to face self encounter with a stranger and my thoughts sounded far away, or blocked off; under water.
It scared me. I had just come to a point in my life where I'd become comfortable in my skin and already someone wanted me to be someone else, someone "better." And, man, if there's anything that could fuck with my mind -- nevermind the adolescence or boys or education or star potential -- "you're beautiful," "you're perfect," -- now change.
I drink, I stay out all night, I wear sexy clothes, I have and enjoy sex, "fuck" is one of the most popular words in my vocabulary, I smoke -- sometimes. I'm all for anyone who wants to be a positive image, moralistic, sexy, young and beautiful, virginal and Mrs. Clean clean -- if that's who they are. But, I'm not that kind of package. I'm Christina and believe it or not -- what you see is what you get.
I'm excited to be able to be able to put an album out there that feels so genuine, so me, so real. I'm excited to see other people doing it, watching Justin break out is a great example. Not to say that those guys weren't all amazing together, they were all down, but I think that personally you know when it's time to grow up a little more. Try new things, be more honest and open. And for someone in this business to be more honest and open publicly -- they have to first be more honest and open with themselves and that's exactly what I feel I've done.
If you've heard it then I'm grateful. If you've liked it then I'm thankful. If you disagree with who I am or what I do then all I can ask you to do is fuck off because the heat of opinion and the heart of controversy don't bother me anymore. I've always been more of a fighter and no one's going to get me down now.