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jake (strangegods) wrote,
@ 2003-06-08 14:26:00
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    if only it were that easy
    I'm not sure what feelings exist as remnants of the past on either account, and I'm sure that what remains is platonic. However, I can't imagine risking it. I know she and I have come a long way, and it hasn't always been easy. I'm certain that we're evolving into higher states of ourselves and reaching our true potential as human beings. I know we both feel the urge to discuss it, to thank one another for our respective experiences perhaps, to acknowledge and have our progress acknowledged, but I'm certain it's not necessary, as I already know.

    I would say it's nothing personal, but that's not true. It's very personal, only in that she is the only individual on this earth with whom I cannot trust myself, even for a second. She doesn't do it on purpose, and it's not as though it is some kind of character flaw. There is no fault in it, but rather compliment. I simply don't want to slow my progress or hers. My world is far from perfect, and I have a lot of work ahead. Nonetheless, I cannot disturb the world I've attempted to create, because it's not especially stable right now.

    I feel like I have finally reached a state of peace. I'm proud of that, even more proud that it was done utterly alone. I did not jump to another relationship or find comfort in someone else. As great as it feels, though, it requires a lot of concentration. Whatever she seeks from me, she already has, whether she knows it or not. Forgiveness for all acts in the past? She was forgiven long ago. Praise for her patience in dealing with me? Of course. Respect for her new progress? Absolutely. I have nothing but respect for her as an individual and a human being.


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