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Everyone around me is moving. Making a step--rather, taking a leap to get out of this hell of a thankless job into an even more thankless job but one that will make you prouder to say that you work for the country's leading paper.
eavesdrop on this exchange:
girl: san ka nagwo-work?
me: sa [name of publication]
girl: [impressed] ooohh. [after a pause] anong work mo dun?
me: editorial assistant
girl: [awed reaction gone] ah ok.
Yes. Unless you're a reporter, people will not be impressed if you work for a publication. The only people who exist when you think of working for a publication are reporters and editors--or so some people think. I wonder if they'll be half as awed if I told them I'm a corporate planning assistant of the said paper. The title sounds intimidating enough don't it? But no. The real question here is, what's your worth in the company? Will you stay where you started for say, 10 years and allow yourself to sink deeper into the comfort zone you've gotten used to that you've become afraid to try what you really came here for?
Okay. I'm being bitter. I did take a step. I applied for a position. But I don't know if it's even a position I'm qualified for anyway, coz I heard from someone that they're actually looking for a senior reporter. But then, who cares? So, I stood my ground. I applied for it last December. It is now February.
A senior news editor talked to me about it. He said, why don't I just go for the Metro position? What future will I have with the position I applied for? Okay, point taken. But I think he's rude to think that way. Every part of the newspaper is important. It won't be complete without the other, no matter how trivial the topics there are.
Anyway, a friend who applied [for the police beat] said that she had no problems with mobility and with facing people, only with writing fast. Lucky her. I have a problem with mobility and talking to people. I don't have a problem with speed. Maybe we can merge and become twin reporters and share salaries instead. Harhar.
I'm fucked up. More confused than ever. And feeling smaller by the minute.
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