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In the Eye of a tornado (still_standing) wrote,
@ 2003-03-27 15:51:00
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    now let us dive into the depths of mind, with no mind-set yet set
    aah. welcome. Ive recently been into the whole journal thing. I started my journal last night, but I am aware of the fact that I am a much faster typer, thus here I am. ok, so basically ill just type what my journal entry from my writen journal was, then continue in here.
    ok enough boring stupid shit to get started.

    This is "part 2" of my journal is what I am thinking, straight-forward thoughts as if gauged from the depths of my mind. I wont makes it flowery and shallow. As demonstrated in one of my previous sentences, I may try to "enhance" my writing. I may, and probably will sound like an amateur and jackass. But shut up. my journal. not yours. Ive decided english rules and journal format have been checked at the door. so to speak. For example, I may start writing about stories or ideas then throw in a completely off-the-wall phrase like...umm.. roses are on my return address stickers. My lips are dry and my hand hurts. gah. ok...break. then more
    ---
    Anyway, off from my tangent...but yeah, so in here i want to sound mature, because I actually feel that i have matured very recently. i dont know what has brought about that, but if i were to venture a guess, it would be based on observation. Oh idk. Ive felt jaded recently, but the next minute I am high on life and completely in love. But, in fact, I am in love. Johnathan is my companion, my cheer-bringer. He makes me feel perfect and pretty and smart and funny. When isnt that what we all seek? true acceptance? And I honestly feel he is all those things as well....he is my best friend. Idk where all my friends have all been recently. wait, yes, i do. They have been consumed in their own grievances, sorrows, heartaches....worlds. I dont want to sound like I am mad. If anything...disappointed....in the lack of effort I never seem to find mutual. But, maybe they find me to seem perfectly content in my world so they simply "spread their friendship" elsewhere. WEll, on the outside (and for the most part, inside) I seem happy. I have a boyfriend whom I adore (yet I can never truly express this love to anyone and tell them stories of my happiness b/c then I feel guilty of bragging and I feel vulnerable to guilt b/c they are not in possesion of such love...but ill get into that later), i have a nice family, etc. People like me. but they dont understand me. they dont. dont. dont. I'm not bipolar or depressed. I am me. Thats all I can be and thats what I have to be. Or else, why live?
    But i like me

    I like writing in here. Makes me feel good. I want to write more, I have a few things I want to get out. But I want to go read. (The Bell JAr is what I am reading) Plus, my hand hurts. One more thing....from time to time I like to write about some artwork I find in one of my art books. I think it will enhance my knowledge and critique skills of art, which I am excited to learn about. passionate about.
    that is all.
    farewell


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